well i'm glad you're finally doing what feels right to you
lord knows it's hard to deal with all those internalised feelings, particularly when you have both the academic understanding and the emotional connection to The Transgender Question. not being able to understand or express that identity is our biggest killer. aside from, y'know, actual murderers.
i know exactly what you're talking about - to be honest, it's kinda been a while since i've put genuine thought into why 'i feel the way i feel', but it's pretty similar to the early childhood/youth/puberty etc experiences you hint at. i'll have to do a write-up sometime.
re: transitioning/dating
tbh i have no real idea when i want to transition and to what degree. i just don't have the time, honestly. maybe when i'm back to uni full-time rather than working full-time and just thanking god for giving me employment for the meanwhile, lol. it's just complicated and i don't exactly have a good handle on stress as it is, lmao. it'll happen sooner rather than later but i'm not fussed in the meanwhile. do you have any idea about how far you want to go?
as for dating
god we've been together for about eight months! i don't think there's anything different about the dating experience thus far considering i'm yet to do any sort of transitioning and he's very understanding about the whole thing. if he cared about sex there'd probably be an issue since i'm pretty uncomfortable about that, but when we have had sex, it's been very good. i'm just not big on sexual intimacy for the meanwhile. i think i'm just uncomfortable with sex 'as a man', i'm certainly not without experience. but he's totally accommodating and that's the whole point.