Why are people so bitter towards their exes?

Alfieri

Alfieri

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    I can understand people dealing with abuse but to all the others?
     
    Generally it's just emotional problems that are unresolved. Breakups don't always happen cleanly, nor do people always feel like they were treated with proper respect or care when they break up with someone. That's just bound to cause resentment and other negative feelings!

    Of course how one deals with feelings like that; vary from person to person. Some of us can handle it well, and others...well...they don't behave so nicely in that state of mind. And it's not their fault entirely. It's just something that happens as a part of life. Emotional wounds can be profoundly more damaging to a person than one might initially think.
     
    There's a lot of **** in this world that can make people bitter. I've found it really isn't all that easy to understand if you've never been in those positions. Even if you have been people seemingly handle the same things in dozens of different ways. Personally I choose to let people do themselves. It's a lot easier than trying to understand people please believe.
     
    hmm well i guess with a lover you are at your most vulnerable. Usually in a relationship you open yourself up in ways you normally wouldn't with anyone else. There is a sense of trust and comfort. So if it ends because the other person did something hurtful towards you it pretty much blows because it's like "wow i opened myself up to you and let you in and now you've done this"... sort of thing.

    i guess with one of my exes i was bitter for a while because i was mad i let him treat me so poorly. i've been with many other people since both my exes, people who are more compatible with me who i've had deeper connections with. honestly as time goes on you just forget and meet other people who are so much better you wonder why u even cared about the other people at one point
     
    It's simple really, when you've opened up to a person and devoted yourself to them, shared more of your self with them than with anyone else and treated them like royalty and then they decide that's not enough it hurts like not much else can. That sort of thing leaves you feeling worthless, insignificant and betrayed and feelings like that don't always heal easily.
     
    For me, the reason I'm bitter towards my last ex is because of what he did. He decided to drop off the face of the earth without telling me it was over. I had to hear it from an ex friend of mine. This ex-friend told me that my ex-boyfriend didn't love me anymore and all that. I was so pissed because I would have much rather my ex have told me this instead of just avoiding it. I would have probably been less pissed.
     
    Ice said:
    If the alphabet has taught us anything it's after the "ex", there is "why"
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    I'M R E E LI NG. WOW. good one.

    @thread: i don't know anymore honestly.. i used to be one of those people but i'm tired now. i just want everyone to get along and drama is an exhausting waste of energy.
     
    People are usually bitter because of how it ended or how they were treated. If they were treated as good as they were when they first started dating there wouldn't be any ex's in the first place.
     
    My guess is that putting a lot of time and energy into something, and something that you're passionate about, and then having it end when you don't want it to kinda hurts and so evokes a negative reaction to the thing that ended it. Like let's say you're working on some project, and you're really into it and stuff, and it makes you feel good and all that, and then the manager or the brass or whatever decides to cancel the project for some reason. You'd probably feel a little bitter towards them for taking away something that gave your life a bit of meaning.

    or something

    Ice said:
    If the alphabet has taught us anything it's after the "ex", there is "why"
    Click to expand...
    I agree with Larry this actually kinda a good one
     
    Uhhhhh.... Cuz people can be assholes? Idk. This seems like a silly question... You don't have to be physically or emotionally abusive to shit all over someone's feelings. Plus no one likes braking up with someone and sometimes this tends to lead to them doing it in insensitive or disrespectful ways to spare themselves the discomfort.
     
    I have one ex who I still see on occasion when I go home and I really don't why we're so bitter towards each other. I think the ending point in the relationship dictates feelings after a relationship ends.

    Bad/intense breakup = bitterness afterwards
    Mind/consensual breakup = not as bad but still watch out cause crazy people
     
    I've got an ex that, although we don't talk much these days, if we are in each other's company it's very enjoyable. And I really appreciate that. Other exes I've got I never talk to - I can't imagine it'd be all that awful talking to them, it's just not something that happens. And some girls who I've never officially dated but have had emotionally-filled friendships with end badly because of lies and deceit. Ending a friendship with such emotions never really promotes mending for the future. Unfortunately it's those feelings that really stick with me, as opposed to the magic and beauty of love. I kind of see relationships as balls of stress more than anything else. But I'm willing to work on that, given the chance.
     
    Before I started dating, I couldn't understand why couples who break up can't remain on good terms. Surely if you got along well before and during the relationship, you could go back to that afterwards?

    But the thing is that just like with friendships, relationships don't always end on good terms. Sometimes there is mutual agreement to separate, sometimes only one person feels the relationship has run its course, sometimes one person does something awful to the other, the list goes on. Either way, as others have said, you open yourself a lot during a relationship, which makes you vulnerable. In exchange for that vulnerability you get intimacy and openness when things go right, but when things go wrong the feelings of hurt and betrayal are all the stronger, especially if the things you said and did in your vulnerable state are used against you. And as has said before, some people can be real jerks, including during break-ups, intentionally or not.

    I was not perfect during my first relationship, but after we broke up my ex said a bunch of really shitty things to me, and he's never recognized that (ie apologized), and I just don't need someone like that in my life. We're friendly when we see each other at social gatherings, but that's about it.


    Deracine said:
    For me, the reason I'm bitter towards my last ex is because of what he did. He decided to drop off the face of the earth without telling me it was over. I had to hear it from an ex friend of mine. This ex-friend told me that my ex-boyfriend didn't love me anymore and all that. I was so pissed because I would have much rather my ex have told me this instead of just avoiding it. I would have probably been less pissed.
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    Ugh, the whole "ghosting" thing has gotten a lot more popular recently, and while ghosting is great for casual flings or in cases of abuse, ghosting someone you were in a relationship with seems so cowardly to me. You have reason to be pissed.

    ~Psychic
     
    I think it stems from the very nature of break ups. You give a chunk of time to someone, and when that ends, it really doesn't feel good, no matter the reason. Bitterness comes from a break up that doesn't end under mutual respect and understanding, and that seems like most break ups.

    From my own experience with people I have been interested in, whether it went anywhere or remained low key, bitterness only came from lack of closure. Not being worth an explanation isn't the best feeling and it doesn't leave anything positive to end on. But I like to think that with some time and distance, respect and kindness can prevail :) I've seen some relationships end on shaky terms and then eventually end up on good terms.
     
    Alright, I got a clear understanding. It's a time waster for people and so that disappointment gets turned to bitterness and is directed to the person who resulted it. I guess I'm just easily disinterested because I've had a couple failed relationships but I bear no grudge towards any of my exes, even if they left for dumb reasons or when it was me that made a dumb move. Though that is because as someone mentioned earlier, different people respond differently to similar situations.

    It's just in my opinion that staying bitter towards someone you've already cut ties with only drags you behind. Better to move on and meet new people, even if they come and go. Our lives are temporary. ;o
     
    Alfieri said:
    Alright, I got a clear understanding. It's a time waster for people and so that disappointment gets turned to bitterness and is directed to the person who resulted it. I guess I'm just easily disinterested because I've had a couple failed relationships but I bear no grudge towards any of my exes, even if they left for dumb reasons or when it was me that made a dumb move. Though that is because as someone mentioned earlier, different people respond differently to similar situations.
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    I don't think anybody said anything about it being a time-waster. A relationship that ends isn't automatically a waste of time or a disappointment - some relationships just run their course, or the people have changed over time or realize they want different things. Some relationships end perfectly amicably, and the couple can still look back on their time together fondly. Conversely, some relationships end because one or both people made mistakes or said or did something that hurt the other. It really depends on the couple.

    Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, but it sounds like your interpretations of what we said are kind of off.

    ~Psychic
     
    Psychic said:
    I don't think anybody said anything about it being a time-waster. A relationship that ends isn't automatically a waste of time or a disappointment - some relationships just run their course, or the people have changed over time or realize they want different things. Some relationships end perfectly amicably, and the couple can still look back on their time together fondly. Conversely, some relationships end because one or both people made mistakes or said or did something that hurt the other. It really depends on the couple.

    Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, but it sounds like your interpretations of what we said are kind of off.

    ~Psychic
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    Reread some of the replies. Most of them discuss that it was the way their exes broke up that made them feel some bitterness towards them. Or pouring out their feelings and devoting time to their partner only for their partner to leave. Probably bad wording on my part, but that sounds like they were mentioning wasting time.
     
    I'll probably echo most people here. I've dedicated my whole world, my time, my energy, my emotions, especially my love to them...when at the end they're like "lol i don't love you no more bye" and that just puts me on the edge.

    At the same time, it also allows us to learn from them.
     
    Alfieri said:
    Reread some of the replies. Most of them discuss that it was the way their exes broke up that made them feel some bitterness towards them. Or pouring out their feelings and devoting time to their partner only for their partner to leave. Probably bad wording on my part, but that sounds like they were mentioning wasting time.
    Click to expand...
    Some people might feel that some of their relationships were a waste of their time and/or energy, but as Meganium said, ended relationships can also be seen as learning experiences. My first relationship wasn't great, but I'm still glad it happened because I learned a lot about myself, what I like and desire in a partner, and what makes a relationship work. I also learned about dealing with rejection. It took some time and distance from that relationship before I could understand any of that, but I'm glad I had that opportunity, and I don't wish my ex any ill will. It definitely enriched my current relationship. :)

    ~Psychic
     
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