Lalalallala!

code zerro the deluge

I'm a boss.
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    LALALLALAL so so funny
    My new jam call me the Easter Bunny
    I will ickle you in your tummy
    I think I am a dumby heheheheh

    Yes hehe
    To be so young and nieve
    I live so freaking care free
    I cherish
    Cherish like lettuce
    Workin at the store
    Or at a lair
    I don't really care
    Just get off your heat
    Make energy and heat
    Like lalalalalalaLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    LALALLALAL so so funny
    My new jam call me the Easter Bunny
    I will ickle you in your tummy
    I think I am a dumby heheheheh

    Yes I made me pop a wheelly
    You can call me silly
    Jed and Fred and Billy
    So so freaky so so nilly
    Sally and me
    Climbing up a tree
    You don't know me know
    Stupid fool
    Don't you know I rule?

    LALALLALAL so so funny
    My new jam call me the Easter Bunny
    I will ickle you in your tummy
    I think I am a dumby heheheheh
     
    Please forgive me for what I am about to say...

    All the poems I've seen you post on these boards are...well...pretty random and stream-of-consciousness. They always seem to have typos, which would be excusable if they weren't so numerous. You say this is your style, but it irks me. The poems give no distinguishable emotions to the reader, either, except perhaps utter confusion. In addition, your imagery is rather ineffective, if it works at all. Reading this, it seems more of a spammy post or an incorrectly-typed rap song.

    I'm sorry if this seems a harsh comment, but I'm just trying to help. Please don't get discouraged. Read some poems by other writers around here if you want some examples of professionally-done poetry(I'd recommend checking out the threads of either ~Ozy~, Nagoyaka Aikouka, or both). Don't give up. You can become a great writer if you simply practice.
     
    Okay. .___.

    Um, well, it was nice and all. But seriously, what is the whole point of this poem? Is it about Easter Bunnies, or about being wierd? ._.

    Erm, aside from that is was an excellent poem. Good for a first try. ^_^
     
    Its funny...I've never seen you write these type of poems..its good..>,<
    It makes you looke really silly though hehehe^^
     
    it was about me being retarded. I am the Easter Bunny in the song. following these kids around laughing at them. Also this isn't my first song Marcelin
     
    Oh, it isn't? ._.

    Hehehe.

    Btw, "Neive" is properly spelled "Naive." I caught that in your . . . poem, or song.
     
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