Letitia Snow's Misadventures
Part 2 - A Trial of Snow and Ice
Well, there was no use in faltering now. After all, she had been sharply reminded that the exam started the second she walked through the doors - dilly-dallying around was only going to make things worse. She runs over to the sleigh, quickly peeking at the reindeer to make sure she didn't have some of the sickly, overworked animals she'd seen on the way here and jumping in. She wasn't particularly heavy, however her gusto caused the tiny vehicle to wobble on the spot, something akin to a blancmange. The cloth pile squeaked in disapproval, before a long nose poked out from a fold somewhere, red raw from the cold and sniffling heavily.
"CAREFUL! These things aren't built to last, I'm sure a strong enough blizzard could take this thing out easily." The voice squeaked once more.
"A blizzard, you say?" Letitia asks, her lips curling into a small smile. "Surely, given the time of year, that's the one thing you'd want it to survive?" This got another (presumably) tight-lipped response.
"If you can somehow devise a way to do so whilst being to mass-produce these things, be my guest."
Letitia snorts. "Oh, HAPPILY. You see, I-"
"Oh don't worry, I know everything I need to about you,
Winterblessed. Can't believe I've been lumped with someone who thinks they're special, dresses like it's Miami in 1986 AND assaulted me earlier, now how should I fill out the cause for failure on your form? Pneumonia, Insanity or just... Arrested?"
She slams her mouth shut. She was so close to her goal AND to just letting everything slip. The Santa Scout carries on with the formal drivel.
"With that out of the way, I'll just run over what this is and what is going to happen. I'm Xanthrosminium Hoagmiurium Constantinoplios XIV, but by all means call me Fred. I'm your Santa Scout for today and I'll be assessing your performance based on our SANTA criteria: S for Skill, A for Accuracy, N for Near-Misses, T for Time and A for Awesomeness. You'll be delivering to one house within this worker's village, with 3 challenges that will get in your way. You must overcome them, deliver the presents and then exist the premises, all whilst not being detected by the people within the house. Once done, come STRAIGHT back to the sleigh, where I'll be waiting to conclude your exam. As already seen, you have this sleigh, the two reindeer to take you where needed and the sack next to you as your tools for the job. Do you understand the assignment?"
"Sure thing." Letitia nodded.
"Good, now let's get moving I want to be in and out before the repeats of the soaps are on, lest they get ruined AGAIN at the post-exam party."
"POST-EXAM PARTY?!" Letitia shrieks. "Oh man, I can't wait to tell everyone about how amazing I did in the exam and all the lovely presents I gave everyone!"
At this point, a piece of green cloth at about eyebrow level raised from the Santa Scout. Something wasn't quite sitting right here... he felt his night was about to become a whole lot worse than he'd envisioned it to be.
"Oh er, yeah. Something like that anyway. Well, we are in the exam and we've spoken enough, please can you make your way to the location marked. Once you're in the air, you won't be able to miss it."
Letitia's mind faltered for a second. Short-circuited. She had everything planned for when she GOT to the house, but hadn't even actually thought about the fact she has to control two wild animals in this unconventional vehicle. She manages to snap back into reality though and with an expert flick of the wrist, cracks the reins into gear and takes off. She catapults into the sky, a shooting star streaming billows of white behind her. Well now she was in the air...
...she careens vertically upwards, before regaining control and managing to bring the vehicle to a flip, Fred falling OUT of the sleigh, before Letitia loops back down with him landing in the same spot he fell from. She continues the performance, twisting and turning everywhere, the commotion causing house lights to start being turned on and people making their way out of their doors. Once it looked busy enough, Letitia cracks the reins once more and the sleigh rockets off into the distance, the trails she left behind spelling out "Letitia" for a few seconds, before then dissipating into the rest of the more naturally falling snowflakes. Letitia screams towards the bright orange marker, the Santa Scout scribbling furiously on his clipboard, before coming to an abrupt stop. The Scout grumbles as their angry essay is instantly invalidated by a huge gouge through it.
"Well, we're here! Do I need to wait for any go ahead from you or can I just get started?" Letitia was keen. TOO keen, it may have seemed, but the Scout was too flustered to notice at this point.
"No no nothing from me just leave as soon as you can before I strangle you for what you just did!"
Letitia made it to the fifth word before hurtling down to the house, deftly landing on the roof, cushioning her fall with a little twirl on the spot. And some more twirls, and so- annnnnd now there's a giant portrait of herself plastered onto their roof. The roof with a chimney. Wait... CHIMNEY?! Letitia squeals once more, dancing on the spot. She was going to go down a chimney, just like Santa does in all the movies and stuff! Thankfully she had just the trick up her sleeve for this. As she got to the top of the chimney, she lightly lined the inside with some ice and then slid down with ease, her boots crunching into the snow she'd laid at the bottom for good measure. She lands into a room that was the antonym of outside at the moment.
Fairy lights had been spilled just about everywhere, their bulbs turning the room a violent orange hue; their light combined with the heating in the house meant it was absolutely roasting in here and the ten stockings lined up just above her head added an idea of homeliness to the place.
"Hang on..." Letitia peers up again and recounts the stockings hung. There were definitely 10 of them - three large ones and seven smaller ones. But the instructions said there would only be 5! Well, first thing's first, she decided to take care of the smaller tasks first and then devote her time to this matter later. She decides to go check out whatever offerings they had left for her (hopefully a feast if provided by TEN PEOPLE). She was not far off in that assumption, an entire fruitcake had been left out, with a large glass of something that looked like milk and seven smaller glasses, presumably for the reindeer. Well as she's already encountering a lot of extra variables, it was time to bring in some of her more... secret talents... for the job. Firstly, she clicks her heels and spins around, to which it seems nothing happens. However, Letitia looks outside and grins, as the sky went from the clear, velvety black to pure white as the blizzard struck around the house. She pondered for a second more and was greeted by the Scout's screams, her lip curling once more into a smile, before she springs into action. From out of her pocket she pulls a mirror, magic humming around the frame. She taps on it and out pops 5 small fairy-like creatures, all grumbling from the very impromptu summoning.
" 'Ere Lee, what was that for? Me and Gronk were just in the middle of an arm wrestle and I think you just broke me arm!" One of them whimpers, holding their arm in an awkward manner.
"Quite you" Letitia snaps, before grabbing the arm and also snapping that back into place "I've managed to make it in unnoticed and I don't have the luxury of time I'm afraid."
"Right right OK" another pipes up "What's the plan then?"
"Well it seems we have a complication - what we thought was going to be a group of five appears to in fact be a group of ten" Letitia explains, pointing to the stockings over the fireplace. One of the fairies lets out a low and long whistle.
"Well that ain't good, is it? I hope we're getting paid appropriately for this!" They huff, before crossing their arms in a strop.
"There's a whole fruitcake there and enough eggnog to blow your brains out, I can't have either of them so knock yourselves out" Letitia remarks.
"AFTER the job is done." she barks, the teeny bunch now sulkily looking at her.
"Fine, fine." they all mutter in unison. "What's the job again?"
Letitia sighs, at this point she's surprised someone hasn't come down yet.
"So my exam is to go to the marked property and then deliver the presents to them, right?" They all nod together. "However, our associates managed to tamper with the marking system and instead have marked this property, which actually contains our marks for the thieves from the heist."
"Wot, the ones that managed to steal the Fae Queen's magic whatsit?" Gronk pipes up.
"If by 'whatsit' you mean her deeds that meant her and the Fae had control over Christmas instead of Saint Nicholas and his ragtag lot, yes them."
Letitia at this point has changed in expression and demeanour. She was entirely cold both in expression and touch, emotion had drained out of her body and was replaced instead with a very calculated and chilling air. Some of the fairyfolk shivered involuntarily.
"Therefore, the first part of this plan is to eliminate these targets and then replace them, so that I can pass my exam and then we enact the second phase - progressing to the top so I can then topple everything from the inside. I want to spread the cheer to all around the world, but not under this tacky and awful regime, so we need to put things back into the hands of those
worthy of doing such a thing. Now, what are you waiting for? Get started and remember - BE QUIET. If the Scout outside catches on that something is amiss, this is all done for. I'll continue spreading presents and such around as normal, so that when they come to check everything, it looks like normal, OK? Now go!"
Several pairs of wings innocently flutter and sparkle, before shooting off upstairs, their dark missions being carried out as Letitia fills each of the stockings with the first thing that was coming out of the sack she had in her hand. She was sitting in a house literally full of murders right now, but that still didn't stop her managing to weave gifts of all fantastic forms and proportions to jam into each stocking. A paper plane that would fly forever into one, a bicycle that could shrink down into your pocket, a golden tree seed and much more. With the stockings full to the brim and an appropriate level of Letitia Flair(tm) added, she decided to make her way upstairs to check on how things were going.
She was immediately greeted at the top of the stairs by a dishevelled, middle-aged man who had a gouge in his head and was very clearly trying to get away from something. She just KNEW that one of them would bloody mess it up! She whisks a knife out of the magic sack, before thrusting it into the face of her assai-
"Woah woah woah Lee, calm down, I'm just joshin' ya!" The figure cries out, before waving a hand over his head wound, causing it to disappear.
"Well, whaddya think?"
"I think you're a goddamned fool, I hope you did much better than that implied." Letitia stormed off, checking the rooms.
Thankfully, it seems that despite their goofy attitudes, the fairies' professionalism came through when needed. Every kill had been clean cut, not a single trace to be found that could even imply anone had died at all, let alone be traced back to Letitia. Letitia enters the master bedroom and swipes what could only be assumed to be the deeds from the second drawer of the dresser, before then making her way to the chimney...
...the chimney that was still lined with ice and snow. Crap. She whisks out two icepicks from the sack, before inching her way to the top of the chimney, careful to create as little mess as possible lest her Scout decides to penalise her for that too. As she reaches the top, she notices that the Scout is crumpled into a pile, the sleigh in pieces next to him and the reindeer missing.
"Of all the blasted days to have a storm like that, it just HAD to be today!" He grumbles, furiously tapping away at his clipboard.
"Unfortunately for us Letitia, that means we're going to have to take the longer way back, plenty of time for you to apologise for what you did earlier though. If we're quick enough, we may make it back in time for that party."
The adrenaline of what had happened now dumped itself out of Letitia's system, causing her to crash for a second.
"I, er, yeah that sounds terrible. Honestly, I'm not sure people would even believe what happened if I told them!"
The Scout looked at her. "And pray tell, what DID happen in there?"
Letitia's eyes flashed dangerously for a second before answering. "I said that as a hint."
And with that, Fred promptly shut up and the two made their way back to the test centre, Letitia's head spinning as she realises that her plan to take over Christmas has finally started to begin.