Kalaigrah's Curse (PG 13 *currently*)

Kalaigrah's Curse (PG 13+)


It was a calm and tranquil night in a dense forest. Not a creature stirred; not one...but the wolves. Their heavy breathing and scornful expressions made any creature cringe in agony, as though the wolf had embraced them in a stance of pure and utter chaos.

Now, wolves are often misunderstood. People and animals alike fear the wolf because of the enormity of their power, the stench of their strength, and the malevolent fear of being torn to shreads by their vicious fangs. Yet there are some who claim this is not at all true. Wolves are more afraid of people than the people are afraid of the wolves. This statement is false.

Wolves live only for the satisfaction of knowing they made the hearts of their prey skip a beat. They loathe those who do not fear them. Wolves are known as the Devils of the Wood. So any creature who so dares to stand up to the wolf and fight back is instantly slaughtered.

The wolves are guided by one leader. The one wolf, with a scar to show his strength. A scar...that lies directly over his blackened heart. A scar that looks unreal, as though it seems absolutely impossible for this powerful wolf to wield this scar on his chest, and still be able hunt. This wolf's name is Kalaigrah.

Kalaigrah is unlike any wolf, or any creature for that matter. He has a strikingly black coat of fur, so coarse and brittle, that if any were to so much as brush his shoulder, they would cry out in agony. Death itself fears Kalaigrah. For death is in Kalaigrah's eyes. The devil in but one of Kalaigrah's minions. And darkness lies in Kalaigrah's heart.

But Kalaigrah's eyes are what creates the true after effect in his prey. For his golden eyes make you feel as though you will never be happy ever again. You will never again be able to laugh, smile, or even hear your own beating heart. This stuns the prey into an upmost state of fear. This is where Kalaigrah makes his move. He casually lumbers forth, leering into his prey's eyes, hypnotising them. He then lifts one mighty paw and swipes the foe's face, leaving an ever-embedded scar to be a reminder to never again meddle in that which should not be meddled in.

If Kalaigrah does not kill you, you are never considered lucky. For you are spited by Kalaigrah and all of his followers. The pain from the scar will never leave your body. You will forever more be in constant agony and pain. Many who have suffered this fate even beg Kalaigrah to kill them, just to let them be free. But Kalaigrah has never done such a thing. For he left that scar for a reason.

But that scar...embedded on the faces of those who have opposed Kalaigrah...have a secret. A secret so dark and malicious, that only one could have concocted such a devious outcome. A plan so horrible, that it will soon drive the entire empire into the depths of Hell.
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OK, I have tried my best, now I need people to review my Prolouge and please give me some constructive critisism if need be. ^_~

~Kelsey

Its easily seen that you really tried on this fan-fic, which is good and made it obvious who and what this is really about in the prolouge. Right from the beginning it started out clean and descriptive, and followed through that way to the end great job. Although at the end I just felt that you could have added a better "cliffhanger", for the reader to excite them a bit more of what will happen next, but other then that, "Nicely done".

And Kalaigrah.... oh Kalaigrah XD, he is definatly a bada....lets just say bad XP that he's actully cool, I love his style just after reading about him and I can't wait for more.

Unfortunatly Kelsey, I couldn't find any spelling errors to scowl you with *walks away disappointed*, I'll get you next time though ^^.

muy bien, nice job kelsey ^O^ i like it, it's well-written, faultless, and best of all it's about wolves. keep it up, i can't wait to read more of it ^ ^
-matt ^_~

Cool Kelsey!

I like it....it's so...good.
I really want to read more. I wanna see if my suspicions about Kalaigrah are true....hehehe.
Good job and keep it up!
*gives you TACO*

"Up, mutt!", shouted a tall, dark man as he viciously swiped the side of a large dog's face with a whip. The man had shaggy black hair and evil, maroon colored eyes. "The **** thing, doesn't do a word I say. I said up!", the man whipped the dog once more, this time with more vigor and anger.

"Yelp!", the dog lay on his side in agony, yet keeping one eye scornfully on the man who had been whipping him. Why is he doing this to me...Why can't he just let me go..."Yipe!", the dog had been whipped once more, and again ordered to stand to his feet.

"Sigh...It's no use, we'll just have to trudge on without the foolish beast. It's just an animal, afterall." The tall man whipped the dog once more, knocking it unconcious. "Well, there's no time to lose, an ice storm is headed this way. It'll reach us within an hour. Harness the dogs and we'll keep moving."

The tall, dark man left the large dog lying in the snow, frozen and unconcious, while he helped his men harness the other dogs to the sled. The man, with his long black whip still in his hand, is a famous dog sled racer. He has traveled many miles and won many races in his prime. His dogs were severely disciplined, but champions nonetheless. This man's name was Shade. He was renouned throughout the world as a champion.

"Move out!", shouted Shade as he slashed his whip, instructing the dogs to run. Shade glanced back quickly, eyes focused on the large dog whom he had nearly beaten to death. Then, with a grim smirk of satisfaction on his face, he diverted his attention back to his dogs. "Come on, mush, go go go!", shouted Shade to his dogs as they began heading towards the edge of the wood.

A fierce blizzard and high winds began to pick up just as they entered the forest. Shade knew this meant trouble, but he never let his pride waver, not when there were others nearby, at least. The snow mercilessly pushed against the dogs and their instructors, hard with the wind backing it up. The dogs' faces were nearly frozen, but they trudged on. For they knew if they were to stop without being told, they would get a good lick of Shade's whip.

Suddenly, a loud and horrifying howl cut through the forest. Shade was so startled that he pulled hard on the reins, making the sled dogs come to a full stop. Shade looked around nervously, twisting his head this way and that. Then, yet another howl embraced Shade and his dogs in a state of fear.

"Wh-what the Hell? This can't happen...no!", Shade's voice was quivering desperately. Then, through a blanket of falling snow, the wind rushing through Shade's ears, he looked to his left. High on a hill top, Shade found himself looking at a sight which no one ever dreams of seeing. Shade was looking at the figure of a wolf. It was Kalaigrah.

Shade was now ghostly white out of fear and the biting cold. The wolf let loose another fierce howl before he came bounding, at a raging speed, towards Shade. Shade now broke off in a sprint, leaving his dogs, running as fast as he could, hopefully to escape the path of Kalaigrah.

Shade stumbled and fell, face first, into the snow. Once Shade lifted his head, his maroon eyes fixed on the large and frightful image of Kalairgrah himself. Shade didn't dare move. He just lay in the snow and watched his life get whisped away with the wind.

"You God **** humans! You never know when to quit. I'm going to make you wish your death had come quicker", snarled Kalaigrah. His voice was deep and menacing. Though he spoke in a way that would almost reassure you that everything would be all right, even if your impending doom was drawing ever closer. Kalaigrah's golden eyes flashed with rage and his coarse black fur stood up in pure anger. Kalaigrah bared his long, sharp fangs, then sunk them deep into Shade's neck. Shade cried out in agony, then his eyes went white. He was dead.

Kalaigrah stood back to look at his kill. Shade was lying in his own pool of blood, staining the pearly white snow to a muddy blackish red. Satisfied with himself, Kalaigrah bounded towards the large dog that Shade had left in the snow to die. Kalaigrah gently nudged the dog, trying to help him up.

"Ka...Kalaigrah. You came back for me...I'm sorry, I tried to get as much information for you as I could about the humans. But before I knew it...I was harnessed to a strange human artifact, and whipped silly when I wouldn't run. I'm afraid my wolf's pride is hurt more than my body", said the wolf, still lying in the snow, breathing heavily.

"No, Hakura, it's not your fault. Those beasts from Hell are to blame. Mark my words, we will get our revenge", growled Kalaigrah as he lifted Hakura onto his back, and bounded up the hill where the rest of the pack was waiting.
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Chapter one is done!! ^___^ Well, tell me what you think of it. ^^

~Kelsey

Wow!

A great first chapter!
I am just so drawn into the story. It's so well written.
Shade seemed like a great character though, one of those you just love hating, I'm kind of disappointed you killed him off so soon though.
Anyways, since LT seemed so intent on finding a spelling error, I'll let him find the one I did.
Good job Kelsey! I can't wait for more of the story!

[is glad shade died] i like the title...anything with revenge grabs my eye, so it made it all the more worthwhile to read. [cough:bounded:cough] i didn't say anything = 3 like the prologue, it's very well written, and not boring to read over again. keep it up.

I really love the descriptions etc ^^
The one word i wasnt too fond of, due to the nice articulation and description that themes this piece, was "gangsters" -maybe devils or brutes would suit the theme slightly more?
I really loved it though -great job, kelsey ^^

As it was said earlier, "wow" a word that really decribes this fan-fic. I'm not one to overrate something, but your writing style and skills just calls for it to happen ^^, theres not much I can say that already hasn't been said already, nicely done.

Aha! Victory is mine! XD I found a spelling error in this sentence, "Shade was lying in his own pool of bloos staining the pearly white snow to a muddy blackish red".

Thats nothing because I make them in basically everything I submit, but I won't let that pass easily ^^'.

The wind howled and the ice storm raged on as Kalaigrah and his pack made their way back to their home. The wolves didn't live in a dense and isolated forest like one might think a wolf would. The wolves lived amongst the humans in an old run-down town that Kalairgrah liked to call, The City of Howls.

The City of Howls looked as though a nuclear bomb had been dropped onto the city. Buildings were old and cracked with chipped paint in numerous places. The roof's shingles were tattered and broken. The buildings looked as though they would topple over at any given moment. The windows were broken in, their ragged and torn curtains gently wavered in the breeze on hot summer afternoons, then quivered and thrashed about on cold, windy winter nights.

But despite all of this, the wolves considered it their paradise. Even though the city often flustered and bustled with humans, despite the fact that the city looked unreal and incapable of human life. The wolves made sure to not be seen by any human. So the wolves had to adapt. They created the ability to manipulate the human mind into thinking they were looking at a young business woman or an old man walking down the street, when really they were wolves.

This was life and life as the wolves knew it. The wolves couldn't keep the minds of humans manipulated for long, however. For this took great concentration of the mind and body. So the wolves kept themselves hidden throughout most of the day anyway. If the weather was too horrid for the wolves to go out and hunt, they stole human food from the market. On occasion the wolves had to steal hot dogs, bread, basically anything they could get their paws on to sustain them throughout the day.

Kalaigrah was at the head of the pack, still having to carry Hakura on his back, though this was no burden to Kalaigrah, as strong as he was. Though even Kalaigrah's pack feared him, Kalaigrah would never allow harm to come to his pack without revenge.

The City of Howls was just over the horizon. All the wolves had to do now was cross the river and head through the Azzkan forest and they'd reach the city before nightfall. The river was about six meters long and only two feet deep. The river was no trouble, and the wolves crossed it with relative ease. It was the Azzkan forest that the wolves had to worry about. This was not an ordinary route the wolves would normally take to reach their beloved city. But with Hakura mortally wounded, they had no time to lose.

"Stay close, if anyone strays off the trail I'm afraid you're on your own until the rest of us reach the city", said Kalaigrah to his pack. In all, there were about thirteen wolves in Kalaigrah's pack counting himself. They had six females and seven males in all.

"Kalaigrah, do you think that Hakura will be all right? He looks awful, maybe we should step up the pace a bit", said Kasumi. Kasumi was a female wolf. She had beautiful sky blue eyes that shone like crystals. Her pearly white coat was very soft and fine. Kasumi was Kalaigrah's mate. The two loved each other dearly, though Kalaigrah was quite overbearing when it came around to the mating season. No one was aloud near Kasumi except Kalaigrah.

"The pace we are at right now is fine", snapped Kalaigrah. Kasumi seemed taken aback, and she returned to her position behind Kalaigrah. Even if it was Kasumi, Kalaigrah hated to be told what to do. He was the leader, and whatever he said was just how it was. "We are going to cut through the Maroon Glass path", said Kalaigrah to his pack. "It may be dangerous, but we must hurry if we intend to make it out of this forest with everyone intact."

The Maroon Glass path was a very dangerous route to take in the Azzkan forest. The reason it was entitled the Maroon Glass path is because of the enormous maroon river that runs through it. The river is a natural miracle, as some may call it. But to Kalaigrah, it is a pool from Hell. The river is extremely wide and unbearably deep. The river smells of blood and death, though it is a beautiful sight nonetheless. Strange trees grow along the river bank. The trees look disfigured and mangled, adding to the anxiety of the river.

Kalaigrah stopped before the maroon river, staring blindly into its depths. Kalaigrah knows what lurks in the depths of the river...which is why he'd only take this path if he had no other choice. Kalaigrah took one deep breath, and stuck a paw into the river, when something strange...something large and unearthly grabbed Kalaigrah's forleg and pulled him under, into the depths of the maroon river, dragging Hakura with him.
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Weee, Chapter Two is up. Tell me what you think of it everyone! ^o^

~Kelsey

Nicely done as I always say, but this time it really applies to the quality of this excellent chapter.

I can't get enough of Kalaigrah, he seems like a true leader among the wolves, sometimes cold to others, but still takes care of them when in need. This particular chapter though, I'm a bit mixed in terms of plot. The story line is great, you have the main character explained and an introduction of a character from the pack but it just feels like there could be more when in comes to events occuring in each chapter, but seeing as how its only the second chapter, maybe thats how you have it planned which is cool. Also, you have great talent when it comes to descriptions, you should use that skill and make your chapters slightly longer, but not too long that its overwhelming ^^'.

But other then that, there isn't really much to improve here on out ^^.

Kalaigrah sunk deeper and deeper into the depths of the maroon river. All he could see was an eye burning red all around him. A large, muscular tentacle was wrapped around Kalaigrah's leg. Kalaigrah tried to squirm free, but all attempts were futile. Then, remembering that Hakura had collapsed into the river with him, Kalaigrah began searching frantically around him, though it was impossible to see anything within two feet ahead of him.

Kalaigrah bent himself down, trying reach the slimy greenish tentacle with his teeth. If only I can saw through the **** thing with my fangs, I'll be able to swim freely and find Hakura. Yet try as he might, Kalaigrah couldn't clasp his teeth onto the tentacle as he'd hoped. Then, Kalaigrah began to feel lightheaded, his vision blurred more than just from the redness of the maroon river. Oxygen felt as though it was leaking out of every tiny pore in Kalaigrah's body. No...it...it can't happen now...I... Kalaigrah passed out, as he was being consrticted by the tantacle and taken ever deeper into the maroon river.


Kalaigrah slowly opened his eyes, though his eyes burned with a fiery rage when he did so. His black coat was stained to a muddy blackish red, and his fur was horribly matted. His golden eyes were now a bloodshot red. Kalaigrah was on land, he was lying on a stone floor, the stone floor was completely flat, Kalaigrah noticed. It almost looked as though man had crafted its surface.

Kalaigrah turned his head and checked his surroundings warily. The walls were of limestone, it looked as though he had been taken into a cave. But I was underwater only a moment ago...how did I- Kalaigrah cut himself off, for his eyes just fell upon a pool of red water in the corner. The pool looked deep, and considering the water was red, that must mean the pool leads out to the maroon river.

Kalaigrah was inside a dark, damp, and not to mention cold underwater cavern. Kalaigrah used all his strength just to get to his feet. He began slowly pacing through the cave. As the water from the maroon river dripped off Kalaigrah's tail, head, and feet, the trail it left looked like a path of blood.

"Oh God, Hakura!", screamed Kalaigrah, it had just then occurred to him that Hakura was still missing, where could he have possibly have gone? Was he found by the other wolves, did the monster that enwrapped itself around Kalaigrah get him too? Or had Hakura drowned? Kalaigrah pondered all of these possiblilities, but kept moving deeper into the cave.

Kalaigrah's left eye fell on something. He turned his head just to realize that along the walls of the cavern, set in huge piles on the floor, was treasure. Treasure of all sorts. There were shiny gold coins, huge red rubies that glinted from the relfection off the coins. There were large, sparkling diamonds jammed in the walls of the limestone. There were even a few large treasure chests. The chests had pieces of them missing, letting the treasure it encased leak out the niches.

Kalaigrah's first thought was that humans must have been here, if not recently, then hundreds of years ago. For even Kalaigrah knew that this kind of treasure was not the current currency that humans possessed. Despite all of this, Kalaigrah continued his adventure through the cave, trying to keep his mind on one thing and one thing only: finding Hakura.

* * *

Kalaigrah! Kalaigrah!", screamed Kasumi. It looked as though she was shouting at the river itself, but she did not get an answer. "No...no..", wept Kasumi. She lay on the river bank, the water washing up in tiny waves against her pure white fur, staining it red.

"Lady Kasumi, we'll find Kalaigrah, as well as Hakura, just you wait", said one the the wolves, trying to soothe the anguished Kasumi. Then the wolves looked up, perking their ears and tails. "What the Hell?," growled the wolf. This wolf was of enormous stature, he looked to be even larger than Kalaigrah. He had a brown coat of fur and a scar over his left eye, blinding it. "Move out, this forest isn't safe, we'll reach the City of Howls to gather reinforcements, and then come back for Kalaigrah and Hakura." The other wolves from Kalaigrah's pack did as the brown wolf said so. It looked as though this wolf had at least some authority.

"I won't leave," said Kasumi, still keeping her tear stained eyes on the maroon river. "I won't abandon Kalaigrah!" Kasumi scowled at the brown wolf. "You leave without me, I'm stayaing right here." It was easy to tell that Kasumi was just as stubborn as she was loyal.

"Be that as it may. I should know by now that the former leader of Atlantis should have no problem holding her own in this forest," grinned the brown wolf as he strolled off into the forest, following the rest of the wolf pack.

"Yes...," sighed Kasumi. "I should have no trouble at all..." Kasumi rested her head back on her forlegs, as her deep blue eyes relfected off the surface of the maroon river.

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OK, I've done chapter three, I have to say this one was one of my faves, enjoy everyone!

~Kelsey