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Blazing Dreams: Legends of Sinnoh

464
Posts
16
Years
    • Seen Sep 3, 2008
    Yet again you never fail to impress.

    I have a question though:

    Giratina is, however, completely different from the other two. It was created long after the others. At first there was no death, only prosperity. Then Dialga and Palkia began to fight. Their selfish reasons enraged Arceus. He vowed to destroy the Earth and end the Eternity that he had just created.

    That's the last we hear of Giratina, right? You don't explain anything about it - only that Arceus created it... You don't explain what it is.

    I'll just assume that that's another piece of the puzzle at my own discreetion.

    Ok, other than that - I really liked it, keep going!
     

    Duncan McNeil

    [release].your.grip
    209
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • Yet again you never fail to impress.

    I have a question though:



    That's the last we hear of Giratina, right? You don't explain anything about it - only that Arceus created it... You don't explain what it is.

    I'll just assume that that's another piece of the puzzle at my own discreetion.

    Ok, other than that - I really liked it, keep going!

    :) Thanks, but LoS isn't that good. Meh, every time I read this I cringe. Ah well, as long as someone likes it.

    About Giratina. Well, I partially explained it at the beginning, didn't I? It's the Ruler of the Middle Life, or Hell as some people call it. Don't worry, it'll be clearer in the next chapter.

    Anyway, thanks for the review! Don't worry about me not finishing it. I already have! I just haven't posted it....yeah. :D
     

    Duncan McNeil

    [release].your.grip
    209
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • Okay, here's chapter 11, the next to last in LoS. I spent much more time on this one, as it is fairly recent. Please enjoy!

    Blazing Dreams: Legends of Sinnoh
    by Duncan McNeil

    Chapter 11: The Devil in Disguise


    A sudden gust of wind blew through Spear Pillar, removing the sand that had crusted against the crumbling pillars for centuries and tossing it into the unknown. A buzzing sound in Duncan's ears grew louder and louder as his mind struggled to comprehend what Dusek had just said.

    "You're, dead?" The words echoed around the ancient ruins, resonating off of every square inch. Duncan's vision began to swim and his knees weakened. It couldn't be true...

    Dusek leaned backward, a smile on his face. It couldn't be clearer that this was the desired effect.

    "Surprising, no? I must admit I did not expect you to believe me so readily. Might you know more than I expected?" asked Dusek, smiling at Duncan as a teacher would at a student who had done the extra credit work.

    Duncan stumbled backward, the surreal scene in front of eyes fading away like oil paint sliding off a canvas. "What have I done?"

    Dusek laughed, causing Duncan to look at him curiously. Something about Dusek was different now. He was no longer the same man. He stood tall, his face wild with excitement. The most profound change, however, was the laugh. It was loud, coursing with excitement. It made him look powerful, as if a new energy was flowing through him.

    "The truth sets in! You are no longer bound by the restrictions of your heart, the foolish part of you that dictates right and wrong! There is no good and evil, merely the workings of the universe! There are two sides. Space, represented by me. And time, represented by you. It is fated that we shall fight and to the victor goes the spoils," said Dusek, staring avidly at Duncan as if he were the most fascinating thing on earth.

    "Stop." commanded Duncan. He closed his eyes, trying to banish the fugue that had infiltrated his mind. "You're wrong,"

    Dusek frowned. "Wrong?"

    "Yes," said Duncan, grasping his head in his hands. A dull throbbing was pounding through his head, but he resisted it. "All this time, I have considered us enemies. Now, I see that I was wrong,"

    "No," hissed Dusek. "We are enemies. By a cruel twist of fate, the very one to oppose me was my very own son. But that does not matter. What does matter is that we are here right now."

    Duncan grinned, still clutching his head. "You are wrong."

    Dusek paused, frowning at Duncan. "Are you truly that foolish?"

    Duncan shook his head quickly as a rush of adrenaline flowed through his veins. The pain was still building in his head, and he knew he would not last much longer. "I understand now. It was destined for us to be here. But the outcome will be far different than what you believe,"

    "What?" asked Dusek, taking a step backward.

    "Yes," said Duncan. "This is not about us. It is about the Legends of Time and Space!"

    With that, Duncan succumbed to the pain and collapsed.
    -----
    Murky, black shadows swirled around, the screams of millions of tortured souls penetrating Duncans' ears. He was floating in the black abyss, staring in fear at the screams and cries.

    "Is, is this Hell?" The words fell from Duncan's mouth, tumbling out and adding to the white noise that was the screaming of the damned. There was nothing but fear. Pain. Death.

    Duncan began turning end over end, or the world began turning end over end around him. It did not matter in this place. Faint flashes of red streaked by his eyes, and with each one that passed a new scream was heard.

    "What is this?" asked Duncan. "Am, am I dead?"

    "Not yet."

    Duncan started, looking around for where the voice had come from. "W-what?"

    One of the streaks of red turned for him. It moved with ungodly speed, appearing in front of Duncan in mere moments. Duncans' eyes grew wide as his gaze fell upon the person that stood in front of him. He screamed, a blood-curdling scream that instantly blended in with the white noise.

    The person smiled. "Do I frighten you?"

    Duncan stopped screaming, trembling more than he had in his entire life. "No! NO!" he exclaimed.

    The person smiled and Duncan finally got a full view of him. It was Duncan himself, but drastically different. He was entirely red, swaying slightly as if billowing in the wind.
    Evil was the only way to describe it.

    "W-what are you?" asked Duncan. Something about his doppleganger shook him to his very core.

    The doppleganger smiled humorlessly. "I am many things. Some call me death. Others call me the devil. I am neither."

    "Why...why do you look like me?" asked Duncan. His fear was growing. The screaming of the damned did nothing to quell this.

    "Because I am you," said the doppleganger quietly. "I take the form of all."

    "But what are you?" pleaded Duncan, grasping his head and moaning.

    "I am the ruler of the middle life. You will know me as Giratina."

    "Giratina?" asked Duncan. "What?"

    The doppleganger breathed in, expanding before Duncan's eyes. The scarlet limbs retracted and its body expanded, growing to an exorbitant size. Short, tattered wings grew from its' back and yellow bands grew out from its neck, which expanded upward. Six short, gray legs extended from its' now stocky body, but the thing that scared Duncan the most was the head. It remained unchanged, staring down at Duncan with a sneer.

    "I am Giratina."

    Duncan seemed to shrink, clinging to the last threads of sanity. "You...control death?"

    The scarlet head frowned. "Who is it that you wish this Hell upon?"

    Duncan moaned loudly. He knew he was about to pass out again, but an idea had struck him from the darkest levels of Hell. "His...name is Dusek..."

    The head laughed, a rasping sort of laugh that shook the surroundings. "Dusek? Why, you have asked for the mortal I have no control over."

    Duncan frowned, struggling to comprehend. Nothing was making sense. "What?"

    "You see, I wish to humor you. I see qualities within you that I desire. Hate. Rage. Pain. Deceit. Jealousy. Yes...you interest me..."

    "Do it...end him..." moaned Duncan.

    Giratina laughed, the head morphing into its normal form. "Very well. There is a price, however...I desire your soul in exchange for Duseks' life."

    Darkness was ebbing away at the edges of Duncans' vision. "I'll do it..."

    -----
    "What the hell is going on?" cried Michelle. "This, this force field isn't moving!"

    Tay took a step backward, gazing in awe at the scene in front of his eyes. A huge, pinkish sphere was encapsulating Spear Pillar, making it impossible to see through it.

    "I don't understand it..." said Tay thoughtfully. "Salamence, try a Dragon Pulse on the, well...you know."

    Salamence roared, causing both Tay and Michelle to chuckle. "Just do it," said Tay, rolling his eyes.

    The Dragon Pokemon reared its' head back, opening its' mouth. A glowing, blue sphere began to form, swirling violently. Salamence fired the attack at the sphere, but it merely struck the sphere and disappeared.

    "What the?" said Tay, running his hand through his long hair. "I didn't expect it to work, but come on!"

    Michelle groaned, falling to her knees. "Why? This is so wrong!" she cried.

    "It's okay..."said Tay, kneeling down on the rocky ground beside Michelle. "Duncan got in there okay. I saw him land on the ground before this, whatever it is..."

    Michelle looked up, glaring at Tay. "You did?"

    "Yes," said Tay, smiling. "He's okay."

    Michelle remained silent for a moment, gazing up at Tay. "So," she said thoughtfully. "You saw him? He's okay?"

    Tay frowned. "Yeah. I just said that."

    Michelle flew at Tay, beating at him with her fists. "You saw him?!"

    "OUCH!" cried Tay, flapping his arms at the irate Michelle. "Get off me!"

    "I...thought...he...was...DEAD!" cried Michelle, beating Tay between each word.

    "You're mad!" yelled Tay, rushing away from Michelle and taking cover behind Salamence.

    Michelle glared at Tay, panting heavily. "You are so dead. I'm going to enjoy tearing you limb from limb..."

    Tay raised an eyebrow, looking to Salamence. "Yeah...I think it's a certain time-"

    "AND IT'S NOT THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!"

    Tay swallowed. "She scares me..."
    -----
    "Welcome back to the world of the living."

    Duncan opened his eyes. Dusek was standing a few feet away, leaning against a pillar and smoking a cigarette.

    "Urgh..." groaned Duncan, sitting up. His body felt like it had been assaulted by a baseball bat, but he stood up nonetheless.

    "Quite boring, no?" asked Dusek, lighting a new cigarette. He inhaled deeply.

    "What are you waiting for?" asked Duncan, glaring at Dusek.

    "Dialga and Palkia are frozen in time. The orb that is protecting the Spear Pillar is almost gone. Until then, however, we are left to do as we please."

    "Great," Duncan rolled his eyes. "God, I'm acting like a teenager..."

    Dusek smiled, flicking the cigarette on the ground. "So..." he said. "Let's get a little father son bonding in, shall we?"

    A vein throbbed in Duncans' temple. "I so wish I had my pistol right now. Pumping a few rounds into you would make me so happy right now..."

    Dusek laughed. "It would serve no other purpose. I am dead, remember?"

    "How forgetful of me..." said Duncan. It was taking every bit of his willpower not to rush at Dusek. The only thing stopping him was the deal he had made Giratina. He smiled. "Please. Tell me."

    Dusek shook his head. "I died, seventeen years ago. You saw, did you not? Dialga showed you a vision of the night I was killed."

    Duncan felt a cold shiver run down his spine. "What?"

    Dusek nodded. "I told you. I started out like you. Petty thefts...that's how I survived. Then one day I was approached by none other than your mother. I was weak, and she was very strong minded. She seduced me, and I gave her my trust. I stole the Old Amber."

    Duncan took a step backward. His entire world was spinning. Could it be possible? Was Dusek the victim?

    "After I delivered the Old Amber, your mother and one of her associates turned on me. She killed me, and I was dead. But, as I was descending to the depths of hell, Giratina saved me. It despises Dialga and Palkia, and gave me the tools to end them both. I returned to the world of the living. I was changed. No longer did I have such a tender heart. I came back, and found you. I intended on taking you away with me, but she stopped me. I chose to join Team Knight instead, all the while cultivating my Lord, Giratinas', plan."

    "Then..."

    Dusek smiled. "Yes. I have tried to tell you, I am not evil. Everything I have ever done is out of revenge, and out of service to Giratina."

    Duncan opened his mouth, but was cut off my a loud crumbling sound. The dull, pink sphere was collapsing.

    Dusek looked up at the collapsing sphere, disinterested. "The moment has arrived. Say goodbye to the world of the living, Duncan. You shall soon be making the same trip as I did, all of those years ago."

    "That's truer than you know..." muttered Duncan.
    -----
    "Look!" cried Michelle, waving a finger in the direction of Spear Pillar.

    Tay looked up, still behind the shelter that was Salamence. The pearl sphere was slowly collapsing, fading away into nothingness. "Let's go!"

    Michelle rushed over to Tay, and the pair got on Salamence. "Go, get us to Spear Pillar!" cried Tay.

    Salamence unfolded its' wings and launched into the air. Tay grasped Michelles' hand tightly as Salamence rose above Spear Pillar. What they saw chilled them to the bone. Dialga and Palkia stood, opposing each other. Duncan and Dusek stood fifty yards away, staring at the Legends of Sinnoh.

    "Get away!"screamed Duncan, waving his arms at Tay and Michelle. "Get away!"

    "What about you?" screamed Michelle, hanging over the edge of Salamence.

    Duncan shook his head, tossing Blazikens' Pokeball into the air. "Don't worry!" he cried. "Just run!"

    Tay nodded and motioned for Salamence to fly away. With one sweep of its' large wings, the pair were flying away from the doomed mountain.

    "Why did we leave him?" cried Michelle. "Turn around!"

    Tay shook his head. "Duncan has Blaziken. They'll get out of there no problem."

    Michelle nodded miserably. "Yeah..."

    Tay looked back at Spear Pillar. "Good luck, Duncan..."
    -----
    "Blaziken, we need to get out of here!" exclaimed Duncan.

    Dusek laughed. "Flee. By all means. But there is no escape, for Dialga and Palkia are going to fight until one falls. When that happens..."

    Duncan ran toward Blaziken, pausing to look around at Dialga and Palkia. They were powering up massive attacks. Dialga was charging a blue beam, Palkia a pearl beam.

    With a last look back at the warring Legends, Duncan jumped onto Blazikens' back and the pair hurtled off the mountain, falling into the dark abyss.
    -----

    There we go. I'd go out on a limb here and say that this is my second favorite chapter. My favorite? The last one, of course!
     

    Duncan McNeil

    [release].your.grip
    209
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • Okay, well here's the final chapter of Legends of Sinnoh. In terms of content it is my favorite, but I wrote it a while ago when I was struck by the idea. I've rewritten it some, but it's not as good as it should be. *shrugs* Well, I hope you enjoy it anyway:

    Blazing Dreams: Legends of Sinnoh
    by Duncan McNeil

    Chapter 12: The End of the Line

    Smoke billowed from the top of Spear Pillar; several pillars fell. Dialga and Palkia stood frozen, opposing each other. Fire raged all around and the place where Roar of Time and Spacial Rend had connected was gone. A black hole hung in the air in it's stead. All around it Time and Space were distorted.

    Duncan bit his lip, the sound wave of the explosion taking his breath away. The only comfort was that he knew it would all stop soon. He would see to it. Blaziken gave a loud cry and, with a powerful bound of his legs, the pair streaked off into the night sky. Duncan's thoughts turned to his friends, and he hoped that they were away and safe. He knew Salamence would get them several miles away by now, so he wasn't worried. The only thing on his mind as he flew down the mountain was Dusek, and if he would make it before either Dialga or Palkia would win out.
    -----
    "We're clear now." said Tay, looking back at the mountain. He gasped. The top of the mountain was bathed in a red glow, flames rising as high as the pillars. He moved his gaze down the mountain, searching for some sign the Duncan had made it off the mountain.

    "Do you see Duncan?" asked Michelle nervously. Tay looked to her. She was clearly searching the mountain as well.

    Tay smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sure he's fine. I'm more worried about what's going to happen now."

    Michelle looked up at Tay, her face a mask of anguish. "What are you talking about?"

    Tays' eyes widened. "Are you kidding me?" he demanded. "Did you not notice? Dusek already has Dialga and Palkia!"

    Michelle frowned. "They were frozen," she said uncertainly. "Do you think he can really control them?"

    "You've got to be joking!" exclaimed Tay. "Of course he can control them! Even if we get away, I have no clue what we're going to do now..."

    "There he is!" cried Michelle, pointing at the mountain. "That's Duncan!"

    Tay reached into his pocket, pulling out a pair of small binoculars. "That's not Duncan," said Tay darkly. "That's Dusek, escaping with a Tyranitar."

    Michelle gasped. "No! We can get him, right?"

    Tay groaned. His instinct was telling him to go for it and attempt to end Dusek once and for all. Fear, however, was telling him to turn tail and run. "Okay," said Tay after a moment. "Salamence, turn back and head for that plateau there."

    Michelle smiled faintly, looking back at the fleeing Dusek. "This is insane...To think, I was just wanting to go on a simple journey..."

    Tay laughed nervously. "Yeah right. You see, this is what I do on the weekends."

    "I'd hate to see what you do on the weekdays..." said Michelle.
    -----
    Duncan and Blaziken landed in the middle of a depression in front of a cave. Duncan got off Blaziken and looked around at all the houses around him. It seemed remarkable that less than two days ago he had stayed up all night, worrying for Michelle...

    Michelle. She didn't know. It really hit him then. Duncan knelt down on the ground, trembling. Could he really do this? He looked down at his shaking hands. Never had he had to do anything remotely similar to this. True, he had been any many life or death situations, but he had never thought that he was walking to hid death. Always, there had been something inside him, willing him to continue.

    This was different. There was nothing. No hope. Just death. He took a deep, shuddering breath and looked down. He couldn't say goodbye. It was far too painful, even to stand here was a struggle. He would leave her a letter. The idea inflamed his mind. That's the only thing to do, thought Duncan. A small noise made him look up.

    "Blaze?" asked Blaziken.

    Duncan opened his mouth, then closed it. He smiled at Blaziken.

    "Blaziken..." said Duncan. He paused. A flood of memories filled his mind.

    "That's a Torchic?" asked Duncan, disappointed. He had expected a large, muscular Pokemon, not the small Fire Pokemon that stood in front of him, now looking at Allen curiously. It was barely taller than Duncan's shoe, and probably didn't weigh anymore than it, either. It looked like a red chick with a yellow tuft of hair on its head. Cute? Yes. Six foot tall with muscles like a Machoke? No way.

    "Torchic?" said the Pokemon, now looking at Duncan with its' head tilted to one side.

    "Isn't it cute!" squealed Michelle, clapping her hands in delight. Instantly, Duncan and the Torchic rounded on the girl.

    "You think my Pokemon is, cute?" said Duncan icily.

    "Tor?" said the Torchic, glaring at Michelle..

    "Um, no... Of course not. I meant, erm..." stammered Michelle.


    He smiled. At first he was disappointed with the small Pokemon and he didn't like him at all at first. They had grown to be best friends, however. How could he say goodbye?

    "Thank you."
    -----
    Dusek flew into the air, clinging to the back of his Tyranitar. The days events washed over him. After sixteen years of planning, it had all gone to plan. His debt to Giratina had been payed now. For the first time in all those years, he was free to do whatever he wished. It was a surreal feeling.

    All of the elements of his plan were ready now. He closed his eyes. There was no stopping it anymore. The second he laid the Red Chain down, it was over.

    Still, strong doubts plagued his mind. Was this really worth it? The second either Dialga or Palkia fell, Arceus would awaken and put an end to the second eternity. He would be spared, protected because he was already dead. The entire universe would not be so lucky, however.

    And Duncan...An interesting problem. He was the embodiment of Time. Though he didn't not know it, his destiny was inextricably intertwined with Dialgas'. Neither could die if the other was living. If Palkia feel first, then Duncan would be spared alongside him.

    "Stop here, Tyranitar."

    Tyranitar landed on a small outcropping of rock overlooking another. Dusek stepped off of the Pokemon, looking out at the scenery. The bright moon shown down on him, casting a long, dark shadow behind him. It was a perfect representative of the struggle that raged within Dusek.

    "Dusek!"

    The man looked down. Tay and Michelle stood on the outcrop below him. Salamence landed right in front of them, roaring loudly at Dusek.

    "Well well." said Dusek quietly. "What a pleasant surprise."
    -----
    "There's nowhere to go, Dusek!" yelled Tay. "It's over!"

    Dusek laughed, a laugh that carried around the mountain and echoed back. It was an eerie feeling, listening to the sounds of Dusek laughing all around you. "A bit excited, aren't you?" asked Dusek, still smiling humorlessly at them.

    "Shut up!" yelled Tay. "This is it, Dusek!"

    "You've been a thorn in my side for a long time..." said Dusek quietly. "Lily was, too. But I, ah, took care of her."

    "You killed Duncan's mother!" screamed Michelle. "I'll kill you!"

    "Michelle." said Tay, setting a hand on her shoulder. Michelle looked at him. He stood, staring at Dusek with a repulsion on his face.

    "Duncan's mother," said Tay quietly. "And Dusek is his father."

    Michelle felt as though something heavy had been dropped through the pit of her stomach. "He's... Duncan's father?"

    Tay nodded slowly, keeping an eye on Dusek. "Yes."

    Dusek smiled. "Do you really think you can stop me? How foolish..."

    "Dusek, this is over!" yelled Tay. He knew, however, that it wasn't. Already, he was planning his and Michelles' escape.

    "Every second that passes, Dialga and Palkia are growing closer to destruction. Get out of my way, now."

    "Michelle," whispered Tay. "We need to get out of here!"

    "Okay," said Michelle quietly.

    "Not planning on leaving, are you?" asked Dusek, smiling. "I have no intention on letting you leave."

    "I didn't think so..." said Tay, reaching his hand down for his holster. This was going to get ugly.
    -----
    Duncan set down his pen and folded the paper over. He set it on the ground and stood up.

    Duncan looked at the cave and shuddered. It was much more menacing now that he knew what it contained.

    But the alternative was much worse. He knew that this was the last, no, the only hope left. Resolve hardened, he took off his Pokeball belt and set it beside the note, then walked into the cave.
    -----
    Dusek's eyes flashed with vengeance. "Tyranitar!" he called. "Use-"

    Bang! Bang! Bang!

    Dusek stumbled backward, three bullet holes in the front of his vest. He fell to the ground and stared up at the sky. He then smiled slightly, and opened his jacket and pulled out the Red Chain.

    Tay lowered his smoking gun, smiling at Dusek. It didn't last for long, however.

    BOOM!

    The entire outcrop of rock where Dusek sat literally exploded. The huge fireball imploded again, utterly destroying the entire side of the mountain. Tay, Michelle and Salamence were flung from their perch, flying backward off the mountain.

    As he was falling, Tay got a glimpse of a helicopter flying away. "No..." he moaned, before flying backward and impacting the ground.
    -----
    Dialga and Palkia froze in mid-attack. The very air seemed to freeze with suspense. But then a massive explosion rocked the mountain, and Dialga and Palkias' bonds to the Earth were severed.

    The powerful hold of the Red Chain broken, Dialga and Palkia ceased fighting. The Spear Pillar smoldering, two massive portals opened up behind each of the Legends. But they were Legends no more. As they disappeared into their respective portals, someone was watching from above.

    "All is safe for now." said a deep voice. "All is safe..."
    -----
    Michelle opened her eyes. Miraculously, she was still alive. A shimmering white shield was surrounding her and Tay, and then she realized it was a Protect.

    Then a loud call was heard, a sound more soothing than anything Michelle had ever heard before. She looked up. A huge Phoenix-like creature was above them, calling out in its wonderful voice. It had huge, rainbow-colored wings and brilliant plumage. It circled above them for a moment, then began to glow gold.

    "Mence!" roared Salamence, standing up and looking up at the Great Phoenix.

    Tay moaned loudly, rolling over. Michelle rushed over to his side.

    "Are you okay?" she asked, helping Tay to sit up.

    "Yeah..." he said, looking up. "What's going on?"

    "I am Ho-Oh!" cried the Great Phoenix. "I have saved you to tell you that your friend is in grave danger. He is, at this moment, preparing to sacrifice his life."

    "What?" exclaimed Tay. The shock of the sudden explosion had not yet wore off and his brain seemed to be moving in slow motion.

    "He has made a deal with Giratina, the Ruler of the Middle Life, to exchange his life for Dusek's." said Ho-Oh, circling overhead.

    "No!" cried Michelle. "He can't have!"

    The circling Ho-Oh gave a call. "You must stop him."

    Tay nodded, his face pale in the moonlight. "Okay. Where is he?"

    "Celestic Town. You must hurry. If he gives himself up to Giratina, your world shall be in for much pain and suffering." cried Ho-Oh.

    "Yeah!" cried Michelle. "Let's go!"
    -----
    Duncan was always the hero. The thought had inflamed Michelle's mind. Duncan always saved me. Always.

    Michelle wiped away a tear as she watched the landscapes rush by from the back of Salamence. He was always there for me, even before Allen died. All of those months... He never complained, always made sure I was okay but never asked for anything himself. Michelle looked up at the night sky, the full moon shining brightly over them and the distant stars twinkling.

    But I won't let you do it this time. After all you've done for me... "I won't let you do it!" cried Michelle. Tay looked sideways at her, his face a mask of pain.

    "I know." he whispered. "I know."

    Michelle wiped her sparkling eyes. "How could he have done this? It's so stupid..." All other thoughts had been driven from her mind, she could only think about one thing.

    "He's doing what he thinks is right. The only thing that matters right now is stopping him." said Tay.

    Michelle nodded, and looked forward to see a small cluster of brown buildings approaching. "Hang in there." she murmured.
    -----
    "You are here." said a deep voice, shrouded in the shadows.

    Duncan nodded. "Yes." he said, his voice cracking.

    Giratina appeared out of the shadows, and then the cave seemed strangely warped and much larger. But Duncan didn't notice. His eyes were firmly on Giratina.

    "This will end it? Dusek will be finished?" asked Duncan quietly.

    "What can be done, can be undone." said the Ruler of Dimension.

    Duncan blinked and tried to nod, but his muscles seemed to have seized up. Giratina seemed to understand, and bowed it's head to Duncan. A light blue portal appeared in front of it, and Duncan knew what he had to do.

    He took a step forward, then stopped. Michelle flashed across his eyes, and a flood of images appeared in his mind's eye. It took every ounce of willpower he possessed to continue to walk toward the portal.

    It seemed to take an eternity, but finally Duncan stopped in front of the portal. He rocked in front of it like he was about to jump off of a diving board. Every second that he wasted meant that Dusek was that much closer to having the Legends, so Duncan took a deep breath and walked forward.

    "Duncan!" cried a voice. Duncan turned his head to see Michelle running through the entrance of the cave, and time seemed to stop. Duncan slowly passed through the portal, and then he fell, a look of apology on his face. Then Giratina and the portal disappeared and Duncan fell onto the ground.

    "NO!" screamed Michelle. She ran up to Duncan and knelt down beside him. "Duncan, no! Duncan wake up! Wake up!"

    But Duncan did not stir. Michelle grasped his shoulders and shook him violently. "Damn you Duncan! Why?"

    I couldn't do it... After everything he did for me, I couldn't do something as easy as this... I don't deserve to live, he does...

    Then she remembered something. A black tombstone... Her name... Tomorrow's date... She came back to the cave, and she saw Duncan's watch flicker feebly.

    11:57

    Three minutes to go...

    Michelle suddenly stopped crying and felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. Tay knelt down and checked for Duncan's pulse, and Michelle stared down at Duncan's cold, empty eyes staring back at her.

    She shuddered and looked away. Tay groaned softly and raised a hand to Duncan's face and gently closed his eyes.

    "Michelle..."

    "Why? Why..." asked Michelle.

    11:58

    Tay stayed silent for a moment, then wordlessly handed a folded piece of paper to Michelle. She took it without really paying attention and unfolded it.

    To Michelle,
    I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you into this. If I hadn't, then maybe Allen would still be here, too. But let me tell you this: I love you. Without you, I would have given up a long time ago. I know you will hate me for what I've done, but at least you will have a world in which to do so. Thank you for everything.
    Duncan


    Michelle set down the note with a shaking hand. He really is gone. The truth was threatening to set in, but Michelle shook it off.

    Duncan's watch flickered in the dark.

    11:59
    -----

    Well there you go. The end of Legends of Sinnoh, or close to it. I'll post the Epilogue in a couple of days, then the real fun will begin. Currently I'm about half way done with a Blazing Dreams One-Shot, which took place a week before LoS and is written in a different style (much better) than this, so look for that in early January. Well, thats' all for now. Hope you enjoyed!
     

    Bay

    6,388
    Posts
    17
    Years
  • Okay, here is the review of the rest of the fic liked I promised! I know you said some of the latter chapters looked like the advice hadn't been taken because you want to focus on the current chapters you were writing. However, maybe some of the parts that I criticized will still help you and you can use that for future references on any other fics you are planning to write. : ) Also, sorry if there are some wrong assumptions I did while criticizing some of the quotes, manily on the character's emotions. I am trying my best to think about ways of how that quote can be improved. Mainly it's your call on how you want the characters the react as you know more about them than me and also probably my advice is not great but I am trying my best to help anyway I can. Okay, let's do this!

    Chapter Six

    Duncan ran through his head, trying to remember what he had. The only weapon he had was an automatic rifle that he had picked up earlier, and it was dangerously low on ammo. Blaziken would be his ace in the hole. Though they had met only two years ago, Blaziken was a very formidable battler. He had proven that time and again.

    Eh, the only iffy thing about this quote is how I probably should have read the first Blazing Dreams saga to understand this. Not much of a biggie, though. XD

    Tay chuckled, stroking Pidgeot's neck. "Yeah, well you know it's true. I don't know what it is, but Duncan is a magnet for trouble. He attracted you, right?"

    Michelle grinned at Tay. "Yeah right. You know what happened."

    Tay nodded. "Yeah."

    "Well, since then we've had it rough. I've changed, I know I have. I see everything... different." said Michelle.

    Tay turned back toward Pidgeot's front, closing his eyes. "Things are different. Don't forget I've been in hiding too. It's not easy, being separated from the people you love."

    I think you could have expand this a bit more on the part where Tay and Michelle were talking about change. Since change is such a big thing in life, it would be more indepth you put more on their thoughts of change by having the readers dig into their minds or you telling us their thoughts.

    Duncan smiled widely and nodded. He ran over to his Pokemon and checked it. It was in bad shape.

    "Let me see." said Tay, walking up and examining Pidgeot. Duncan nodded and walked back to Michelle. She looked much worse than she did a hour ago. Her clothes were burned, her skin was covered in dirt and blackened with ash.

    "I'm fine..." she said. "What about them?" she asked, pointing over at where Blaziken's Flare Blitz had exploded.

    You could have described how bad of a shape Pidgeot is, like how you did with Michelle in worst condition than before. Also, you could have put more emotional feelings of Duncan. Maybe he is worried that his Pidgeot is hurt? Hoping he is okay?

    Duncan nodded. "Okay. You two take it to a Center, then get to Mt. Coronet and hide out. I've got to go, I'll explain later."

    "No." said Michelle. "If you have to go, then we will. We're not getting separated again."

    Duncan shook his head. "I have to go now! We all can't ride on Blaziken!"

    Tay smiled. "We can ride Salamence." he said calmly, pointing into the air.

    Duncan looked up to see the Dragon Pokemon flying toward them, roaring its happiness. "Fine!" he said angrily. "Let's go!"

    This part I think you could have done Duncan's feelings a bit more. It is a bit rushed and it is like you just want to get to Duncan's response. It would be better if you first put how Duncan doesn't want the group to get separated either but knew he is doing this for their safety. Also, you could have put later of how he knew it is risky of them coming with them but knew he won't be able to convince them.

    So far this chapter has quite a few actions packed. Haha, I like the little conversation between Michelle and Tay in this quote:

    Michelle nodded. "I know. I keep thinking to myself, if I didn't have Duncan I would've gone mad. Sitting in that apartment, day in and day out. But I had good company..."

    Tay turned back around, a huge grin on his face. "'I had good company?' What's that supposed to mean?"

    Michelle blushed. "None of your business, okay? You would just laugh."

    Tay tilted his head to the side, nodding. "Yeah, okay. But come on, tell me. All alone in a one bedroom apartment for two years with Duncan. Something must have happened, tell me something happened."

    Michelle laughed, shaking her head at Tay. "You are just like Duncan. Only one thing on your mind, all the time."

    Tay shrugged. "What can I say? Anyway, we'll be there in a few minutes."

    I like their interactions in this quote. XD

    It is interesting that Dusek used a dart on John and looking real quick at the three little Legendaries of Sinnoh. Huh, wonder how he got there? O.o

    Yeah, my favorite part is the interaction between Tay and Michelle and actually you are getting better at the emotions but still need a few tune ups. : )


    Chapter Seven

    "Okay," said Tay. "Well, it's like I said. After I had been hiding out for so long, I was getting anxious. So I started snooping around, looking for an excuse to do something. Then, right as I was about to give up, I found it. Dusek's plan." he finished dramatically.

    "Cut the dramatic crap." said Duncan sternly. "This is important."

    Tay shrugged. "Whatever. As I was saying, I found-"

    "Stumbled might be the right word here." interjected Michelle.

    Tay shook his head. "Quit giving me lip. I'm trying to tell a story here, dammit!"

    "Shut up!" exclaimed Duncan. "Tay, this is important. How did you find us?"

    Hehehe, I quite like the interaction between the group here! XD Also, I have to say that you did a good job at the later parts where Duncan and Tay were arguing. I seriously was like, "Don't make Tay fall, Duncan!"

    Duncan lowered his head. "He's got her, okay?"

    Tay frowned. "Who's that?"

    "My mother." said Duncan quietly. "He's got her."

    "What?" exclaimed Tay. "But, I thought she was dead!"

    Duncan shrugged. "I did too. But we thought wrong, didn't we?"

    "Duncan..." said Michelle softly. She slid off of Salamence and lifted Duncan's chin, staring him straight in the eyes. He opened his mouth, but Michelle put her finger to his lips.

    "Just be quiet." she said, and she kissed him.

    Behind, Tay grinned widely. "Nothing happened my a**!"

    Duncan and Michelle broke apart laughing. They stayed like that for a moment, then a cloud shifted and the meadow lit up with moonlight. Tay, Duncan and Michelle fell silent.

    Haha, like Tay's reaction there! XD

    On the other hand, you could have expand the feelings of Duncan's mom more. I can't exactly say how he should feel at the moment as I am not all that familiar yet with their relationship. If he really likes her, maybe really worried about his mother's safety. But if not really, then maybe still shocked his mom is alive but is still determined to safe her even if he can be rebellious to her sometimes.

    Also, it seems to me that Michelle had no feelings towards his mother. That, or maybe she does care for his mother too and kissed him to make him feel better (romances are always like that, huh? :P ) Yeah, probably expand on how Michelle's feelings is towards Duncan's mother.

    Tay chuckled, taking off his backpack and handing it to Duncan. "Never know when you'll need to do a commando raid. And besides," said Tay, ruffling his hair back. "The girls love camouflage, believe me. One time in Vermillion City,"

    "Would you hurry up and stand guard?" interrupted Duncan. "Sorry, but now's not the time for your stories about scoring with girls."

    "They're not stories..." muttered Tay, taking the binoculars from Duncan.

    "Sure..." said Duncan, peeling off his torn and bloody T-shirt. "If all of your stories were true, then you would have a slow and painful death wished upon you by every female in Kanto."

    XD Dang, I am liking Tay more and more…XD

    Quite like this chapter because of Tay. He reminds me of a couple of my friends for some reason. XD Also, again a very intense scene between him and Duncan.

    Chapter Eight

    "You have it..." said Duncan, staring at Mewtwo with a longing look on his face. "We created Mewtwo. It should only listen to me."

    Duncan's face remained impassive, but his insides squirmed. All along, he had attributed Allen's death to Dusek. But, right in front of him, was the Pokemon that had actually struck the final blow.

    I don't remember if you mention that in the backstory you PMed me, but I was like "Whoa" at that moment. At first I was wondering about that and also about Duncan's feelings towards Mewtwo at the moment, but then later on you gave a backstory of how some of the past events led to the creation of Mewtwo, which made more sense and quite good hehe. XD

    "Give it everything you've got!" yelled Duncan, as Michelle flashed into his mind. Things were next to hopeless here. He needed to get out as fast as he could. "Blaze Wheel!"

    Isn't it supposed to be "Flame Wheel"?

    A Tyranitar leapt from the shadows, striking a flailing Mewtwo. It collapsed on the ground, still.

    "A warning, Duncan." said Dusek quietly. "Never let an obsession take over. If it threatens to, kill it."

    Duncan clenched his fist. "You just killed it, like that?"

    I think you could have expanded Duncan's feelings more after seeing Mewtwo suddenly being killed like that. Maybe put of how despite Mewtwo not perfect and was being created, he is still a Pokemon being and it's not right to kill it and that what Duesk did was wrong and showed more of Duesk's coldness.

    "I'm sorry Mom..." said Duncan, his voice breaking. "Here, let me get you out of here."

    Duncan reached down to pick his mother up, but she weakly pushed his arm out of the way. "Leave me alone."

    Duncan froze. "What?"

    "I don't... Know... Who you are... Go... Away..." And with that, her eyes closed and she spoke no more.

    O.o Dang, would really affect Duncan later in the next chapter. That's not what you want to hear your mother's last words to you say.

    Well, Duncan and Duesk's fight was interesting. Don't see too many fics with father and son fighting each other hand to hand! XD However, I thought Mewtwo and Blaziken's battle ended too quickly, although I guess it is to show Duesk's quick decision making.

    Chapter Nine

    Tay cringed. "Okay then, we need to get moving. I'm guessing Experimentation is this way?"

    Duncan shrugged. "I guess."

    "Okay then, I'll go get them. You can tell me the rest of the story later. Go get Blaziken and wait for me at the entrance. Then we'll go find Michelle."

    I feel that Duncan answered emotionlessly to Tay's question of where the Pokemon is. I don't know, I think he could have shown some worriness of to the Pokemon's conditions in the Experimentation room, even if he is not the one to save them.

    "I'm fine." said Duncan. "We've got to hurry, Michelle's in danger."

    Blaziken nodded slowly, looking up at the clear sky. A single cloud drifted in front of the moon, plunging them into semi-darkness.

    "We should bury them." said Duncan. Blaziken turned and looked at Duncan. "Blaze?"

    Duncan nodded. "Yeah. We don't have time to go somewhere else. Let's...just do this, okay?"

    To me, it felt like Duncan said that randomly all of a sudden. I felt it would be better if you put some thoughts of how Duncan felt even though there is not much time, it would be the right thing to bury Mewtwo and Lily.

    I have to say though, I loved how you portrayed Duesk's emotions in that last scene. So there is a tiny bit of good in him, huh? ^_^ Too bad he didn't listen to that little angel though! =O

    Chapter Ten

    The third figure reached pulled out a gun. "You are such a fool. I manipulated you simply. You are weak." Then she fired the gun, and the flash illuminated the dark alley. Duncan nearly screamed. The woman that had just shot Dusek was his own mother.

    She was also much younger, but looked a few years older than Dusek. She fired mercilessly, shooting six bullets into Dusek. He gasped, falling backward against the wall.

    O.o Damn, seriously! Also, I was surprised of Duesk and Lily later on having Duncan. Lily must have done something to him! XD


    Duncan let out a roar of rage. "You are evil! I should kill you right now!"

    Dusek dropped his smile. "You should. But you can't. You and I, we're alike."

    "What?"

    "I started out on the streets with nothing. I was exactly like you are. Dialga showed you my memories. You see how I was just like you. But I was changed. You see," Dusek smiled widely. "I am dead."



    On the other hand, I was like "What?" when Dusek said that. One way to find out is to read the next chapter! (Good cliffhanger, though! XD)

    Chapter Eleven

    Dusek smiled. "Yes. I have tried to tell you, I am not evil. Everything I have ever done is out of revenge, and out of service to Giratina."

    Duncan opened his mouth, but was cut off my a loud crumbling sound. The dull, pink sphere was collapsing.

    Dusek looked up at the collapsing sphere, disinterested. "The moment has arrived. Say goodbye to the world of the living, Duncan. You shall soon be making the same trip as I did, all of those years ago."

    "That's truer than you know..." muttered Duncan

    Even though I know you cut off what Duncan is about to say because of the pink sphere collapsing and how now things are shifting into high gear, but I felt you could have at least put some thoughts of what Duncan think about the situation. Is he worried of everyone's lives are at steak? Did he thought all of what Dusek said is all false? Was he shocked of how Dusek did a 360 degree change? Yeah, there is a lot that left me wondering…XD

    The head laughed, a rasping sort of laugh that shook the surroundings. "Dusek? Why, you have asked for the mortal I have no control over."

    Duncan frowned, struggling to comprehend. Nothing was making sense. "What?"

    "You see, I wish to humor you. I see qualities within you that I desire. Hate. Rage. Pain. Deceit. Jealousy. Yes...you interest me..."

    "Do it...end him..." moaned Duncan.

    Giratina laughed, the head morphing into its normal form. "Very well. There is a price, however...I desire your soul in exchange for Duseks' life."

    Darkness was ebbing away at the edges of Duncans' vision. "I'll do it..."

    On the one hand, I thought Duncan made that decision too quickly without really thinking it over the consequences. On the other hand, I guess you did that to prove of what Duesk said of how Duncan has an evil side too.

    Other then that, it's interesting of what Duesk said of how he came back alive a totally different person and how the "flashback" scene Duncan was in all made sense. Hehe, now I am interested what is going to happen next!


    Chapter Twelve


    "That's a Torchic?" asked Duncan, disappointed. He had expected a large, muscular Pokemon, not the small Fire Pokemon that stood in front of him, now looking at Allen curiously. It was barely taller than Duncan's shoe, and probably didn't weigh anymore than it, either. It looked like a red chick with a yellow tuft of hair on its head. Cute? Yes. Six foot tall with muscles like a Machoke? No way.

    "Torchic?" said the Pokemon, now looking at Duncan with its' head tilted to one side.

    "Isn't it cute!" squealed Michelle, clapping her hands in delight. Instantly, Duncan and the Torchic rounded on the girl.

    "You think my Pokemon is, cute?" said Duncan icily.

    "Tor?" said the Torchic, glaring at Michelle..

    "Um, no... Of course not. I meant, erm..." stammered Michelle.

    Aw, what a cute scene! Seriously, Torchics are CUTE! ^_____^

    (coughs)

    Anyways, what a last chapter it is. I quite like how you have Duncan said goodbye to Blaziken and then wrote a note to Michelle. Aw, how nice. ^^ Also, it leaves many questions…how did Dusek know that he is Space and Duncan is Time? Since Duncan died, shouldn't Dusek died too? I guess those questions and many more will be answered in the epilogue. ^_^

    There are a couple of things I want to mention, however. At first Michelle was shock that Dusek was Duncan's father but there was not mention of her thinking about that. True, the other events like Duncan sacrificing himself is one thought that sturck her mind, but since now she new the reason why Duncan started acting weird lately after he saved her from that warehouse, she would probably think that Duncan's emotions will go out of hand (like sacrificing himself ).

    Another thing is you didn't describe too much of Dialga and Palkia's battle. True, there were other events going, but I thought you could have gone back and forth between the main characters and the two legendaries as maybe it might leave readers suspense if Dialga's and Plakia's battle will end and if that is what is going to happen instead of Duncan's sacrifice. That's just me, though. XD

    Overall

    (wipes sweat from head)

    Dang, took me all day today to read and review chapters 6 to 12(although I paused for a while because I was busy with other stuff for a little bit ^^;).

    Anyways, I can tell that you have improved quite a bit in the emotional description part, especially on the last couple of chapters. Also, there are some scenes where I love the interactions from the group, both the serious and funny ones. Lastly, you made me want to read more of the actions and what is going to happen next. ^^

    Okay, post the Epilogue now! XD (Let's just say I don't trust the green lagger sometimes… XD )
     

    Duncan McNeil

    [release].your.grip
    209
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • Okay, here is the review of the rest of the fic liked I promised! I know you said some of the latter chapters looked like the advice hadn't been taken because you want to focus on the current chapters you were writing. However, maybe some of the parts that I criticized will still help you and you can use that for future references on any other fics you are planning to write. : ) Also, sorry if there are some wrong assumptions I did while criticizing some of the quotes, manily on the character's emotions. I am trying my best to think about ways of how that quote can be improved. Mainly it's your call on how you want the characters the react as you know more about them than me and also probably my advice is not great but I am trying my best to help anyway I can. Okay, let's do this!

    Heh, no problem. :)

    I think you could have expand this a bit more on the part where Tay and Michelle were talking about change. Since change is such a big thing in life, it would be more indepth you put more on their thoughts of change by having the readers dig into their minds or you telling us their thoughts.

    Yeah, good point. I've been working on the emotions, but I still can't quite get it right.

    You could have described how bad of a shape Pidgeot is, like how you did with Michelle in worst condition than before. Also, you could have put more emotional feelings of Duncan. Maybe he is worried that his Pidgeot is hurt? Hoping he is okay?

    Yes. I rushed that ending, and it didn't come out very well at all. Yeah...

    This part I think you could have done Duncan's feelings a bit more. It is a bit rushed and it is like you just want to get to Duncan's response. It would be better if you first put how Duncan doesn't want the group to get separated either but knew he is doing this for their safety. Also, you could have put later of how he knew it is risky of them coming with them but knew he won't be able to convince them.

    Well, at least I have some kind of excuse here. :D Erm...he had other things on his mind? XD Yeah, I see what you mean.

    So far this chapter has quite a few actions packed. Haha, I like the little conversation between Michelle and Tay in this quote:



    I like their interactions in this quote. XD

    It is interesting that Dusek used a dart on John and looking real quick at the three little Legendaries of Sinnoh. Huh, wonder how he got there? O.o

    Yeah, my favorite part is the interaction between Tay and Michelle and actually you are getting better at the emotions but still need a few tune ups. : )

    Thanks! Yeah, Tay is a lot of fun to write. As for Dusek...well the the three legendaries were captured earlier. That's where they were being drained.

    Oh yeah, I definitely need to work on emotions a lot.

    Hehehe, I quite like the interaction between the group here! XD Also, I have to say that you did a good job at the later parts where Duncan and Tay were arguing. I seriously was like, "Don't make Tay fall, Duncan!"

    Really? Well, I tried to put some emotion in there, and what better way than a fight? XD

    Haha, like Tay's reaction there! XD

    On the other hand, you could have expand the feelings of Duncan's mom more. I can't exactly say how he should feel at the moment as I am not all that familiar yet with their relationship. If he really likes her, maybe really worried about his mother's safety. But if not really, then maybe still shocked his mom is alive but is still determined to safe her even if he can be rebellious to her sometimes.

    Also, it seems to me that Michelle had no feelings towards his mother. That, or maybe she does care for his mother too and kissed him to make him feel better (romances are always like that, huh? :P ) Yeah, probably expand on how Michelle's feelings is towards Duncan's mother.

    Well, I think Duncan was more numb right then than anything else. But yeah, definitely something that needed work.

    About Michelle not having any feelings toward Lily...well, she didn't. Not really. They had never even met. So yeah, she was just comforting Duncan.

    XD Dang, I am liking Tay more and more…XD

    Quite like this chapter because of Tay. He reminds me of a couple of my friends for some reason. XD Also, again a very intense scene between him and Duncan.

    Heh. Yeah, thanks.

    I don't remember if you mention that in the backstory you PMed me, but I was like "Whoa" at that moment. At first I was wondering about that and also about Duncan's feelings towards Mewtwo at the moment, but then later on you gave a backstory of how some of the past events led to the creation of Mewtwo, which made more sense and quite good hehe. XD

    Oops. I don't remember...Well, Mewtwos' creation was the main story of the first saga (I like calling them sagas. :D).

    Isn't it supposed to be "Flame Wheel"?

    Well, nope. It was a special move Duncan and Blaziken created. It's basically Blaziken using Blaze Kick and spinning at the same time. I never really explained that, did I?

    I think you could have expanded Duncan's feelings more after seeing Mewtwo suddenly being killed like that. Maybe put of how despite Mewtwo not perfect and was being created, he is still a Pokemon being and it's not right to kill it and that what Duesk did was wrong and showed more of Duesk's coldness.

    Ouch. Yeah, I hated that part. I thought about putting in some emotion, but I didn't want to pause. Everything is just going along, then WHAM! Didn't work, though...

    O.o Dang, would really affect Duncan later in the next chapter. That's not what you want to hear your mother's last words to you say.

    Well, Duncan and Duesk's fight was interesting. Don't see too many fics with father and son fighting each other hand to hand! XD However, I thought Mewtwo and Blaziken's battle ended too quickly, although I guess it is to show Duesk's quick decision making.

    It's what pushes him to finally make his deal with Giratina. XD I think I piled the angst on Duncan a little to much there. Ehehe.

    Yeah, the idea of Duncan and Dusek fighting hand-to-hand was one of the main points I had in mind when I started writing LoS. I liked it.

    Mewtwo and Blazikens' battle was pretty bad. I have no idea why I cut it short.

    I feel that Duncan answered emotionlessly to Tay's question of where the Pokemon is. I don't know, I think he could have shown some worriness of to the Pokemon's conditions in the Experimentation room, even if he is not the one to save them.

    Well, Duncan was kind of in shock there, and he closes his emotions down when things like that happen. Still wouldn't have hurt, though.

    To me, it felt like Duncan said that randomly all of a sudden. I felt it would be better if you put some thoughts of how Duncan felt even though there is not much time, it would be the right thing to bury Mewtwo and Lily.

    I have to say though, I loved how you portrayed Duesk's emotions in that last scene. So there is a tiny bit of good in him, huh? ^_^ Too bad he didn't listen to that little angel though! =O

    Hmm. Well, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. But yeah, that would have been the perfect place for some reflection. Yeah...

    Wow, I put that Dusek scene at the end just as a good cliffhanger. I didn't expect everyone to like it so much. Heh, but what fun would that be? XD

    O.o Damn, seriously! Also, I was surprised of Duesk and Lily later on having Duncan. Lily must have done something to him! XD

    Heh. Yeah, nice little twist there?

    On the other hand, I was like "What?" when Dusek said that. One way to find out is to read the next chapter! (Good cliffhanger, though! XD)

    XD Kind of random seeming, right?

    Even though I know you cut off what Duncan is about to say because of the pink sphere collapsing and how now things are shifting into high gear, but I felt you could have at least put some thoughts of what Duncan think about the situation. Is he worried of everyone's lives are at steak? Did he thought all of what Dusek said is all false? Was he shocked of how Dusek did a 360 degree change? Yeah, there is a lot that left me wondering…XD

    Yeah, there you go again. Heh, I didn't really notice that. Glad you did, though. ^^

    On the one hand, I thought Duncan made that decision too quickly without really thinking it over the consequences. On the other hand, I guess you did that to prove of what Duesk said of how Duncan has an evil side too.

    Other then that, it's interesting of what Duesk said of how he came back alive a totally different person and how the "flashback" scene Duncan was in all made sense. Hehe, now I am interested what is going to happen next!

    I was kind of confilcted on that part. I could have made Duncan think about it some, but for one he would probably try to back out of it then, and two I like cliffhangers, remember? Sudden "What?" moments I love. XD

    Aw, what a cute scene! Seriously, Torchics are CUTE! ^_____^

    (coughs)

    XD Yeah...

    Anyways, what a last chapter it is. I quite like how you have Duncan said goodbye to Blaziken and then wrote a note to Michelle. Aw, how nice. ^^ Also, it leaves many questions…how did Dusek know that he is Space and Duncan is Time? Since Duncan died, shouldn't Dusek died too? I guess those questions and many more will be answered in the epilogue. ^_^

    Well...I've got to be careful here (accidental spoilers, you know?). The reason Dusek knew that was because Giratina told him. Not saying anything else about that.

    And no, it doesn't work like that. Dusek is already dead. He can't die again. He is bound to Palkia, so as long as Palkia is living so is Dusek. Same goes for Duncan and Dialga. You'll see. ^^

    There are a couple of things I want to mention, however. At first Michelle was shock that Dusek was Duncan's father but there was not mention of her thinking about that. True, the other events like Duncan sacrificing himself is one thought that sturck her mind, but since now she new the reason why Duncan started acting weird lately after he saved her from that warehouse, she would probably think that Duncan's emotions will go out of hand (like sacrificing himself ).

    Another thing is you didn't describe too much of Dialga and Palkia's battle. True, there were other events going, but I thought you could have gone back and forth between the main characters and the two legendaries as maybe it might leave readers suspense if Dialga's and Plakia's battle will end and if that is what is going to happen instead of Duncan's sacrifice. That's just me, though. XD

    Hmm. Well, that was pushed from her mind pretty quickly. Yeah...

    And about Dialga and Palkias' battle, I wrote this chapter after I wrote the secong, because I had the great idea for the ending and wanted to get it donw quickly. I rewrote it before I posted it, but I left some stuff out. Like the battle.

    Overall

    (wipes sweat from head)

    Dang, took me all day today to read and review chapters 6 to 12(although I paused for a while because I was busy with other stuff for a little bit ^^;).

    Anyways, I can tell that you have improved quite a bit in the emotional description part, especially on the last couple of chapters. Also, there are some scenes where I love the interactions from the group, both the serious and funny ones. Lastly, you made me want to read more of the actions and what is going to happen next. ^^

    Okay, post the Epilogue now! XD (Let's just say I don't trust the green lagger sometimes… XD )

    Seriously, thank you so much. I can't believe you spent so much time picking this apart so well. Thanks, because I can't tell you how much it helps. :D

    Well...I was going to do this tomorrow, but why not now? Here's the Epilogue, enjoy!

    Blazing Dreams: Legends of Sinnoh
    by Duncan McNeil

    E~p~i~l~o~g~u~e


    Eleven Years Later

    Duncan rolled out of bed. 7:30 AM. He groaned. Seven-thirty? Way too early for anyone to be up, in his opinion. But there must have been some reason he set his alarm clock. He peered around his dark room, then it came to him. He was going to get his first Pokemon today!

    The boy rushed over to his window and pulled down the shade. Rustboro Town was just waking up. He stretched and grinned. Duncan had turned ten three months ago, but his mother wouldn't let him go out on his journey until after three months of pleading, begging and the occasional tantrum. But none of that mattered anymore, because he was finally going now.

    The boy bounded over to his mirror. His blue eyes were the defining feature of his face. He ruffled his long, brown hair and rubbed a long scar on his cheek. It was twisted, curving like an intricate ribbon, pale and translucent. He was very proud of the scar, because it showed he was tough, or at least he thought so. The boy threw on his green jacket and flew out the door.

    He glanced at the empty, beige walls and rolled his eyes. His mother never wanted anything cool on the walls, like posters or bottles with pickled things in it. So boring. He ran along the small hallway and down the stairs.

    "Mom, I'm outta here!" exclaimed Duncan, running across the den and toward the kitchen. He stumbled on the carpet, falling forward toward a glass display box. He caught himself at the last second, leaving him nose-to-glass with the case. A curved katana laid inside of the display box, a faded inscription glimmering in the light from the window.

    The boy stood up, shaking himself off. He nearly caused a lot of accidents, and caused a lot more.

    "This early?" asked a woman's voice. Duncan blinked and entered the kitchen. He saw his mother, sitting at the table with a cup of tea. She looked to be in her late-twenties or early-thirties, with long brown hair and a kind face. A long white shirt and a pair of jeans rounded out her simple outfit. But none of that mattered to Duncan, as he was intent upon leaving as quickly as humanly possible.

    His mother sighed. "I guess it's too late to stop you..."

    Duncan rolled his eyes. "Come on, mom! I'm ten years old, what's gonna happen?"

    Duncan's mother gave him a weary smile. "Nothing, I guess. I just don't like the idea of you being all alone out there."

    "Come on mom, I'm not a baby!" exclaimed Duncan. "Look at this!" He pulled up his sleeve and showed his right bicep to his mother. "See? I did five push-ups this morning!" He rolled his sleeve back down and grinned at his mother, as though this had proved beyond a doubt that he was ready to go on a journey.

    Duncan's mother smiled and nodded. "Very strong," she said with a smile. "Okay, listen here. Go directly to the Pokemon Center. Don't talk to strangers, okay? Just make sure you get to Professor Birch safely."

    Duncan groaned. "Come on, mom. I'll be going soon. I'll talk to all kinds of strangers. Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll give me candy!"

    Duncan's mother laughed. "Do that," she said, pointing a stern finger at Duncan. "And I'll drag your butt back home, mister."

    Duncan shrugged. "You're gonna try to do that anyway... See you later!" With that, he bounded out of the kitchen. Duncan's mother sighed.

    "You are such a handful... Just like your father..." She smiled at this, and turned toward the window to watch Duncan run down the street and knock an old man over.

    She frowned. "Just like your father..."
    -----
    Duncan opened his eyes. He was sprawled out on the concrete, looking straight up into the sky. He sat up, shaking his head. An old man, dressed in a long, gray cloak sat on the sidewalk a few feet in front of Duncan.

    "Sorry mister!" exclaimed Duncan, standing up and extending his hand to the old man.

    "I'm fine." said the man. Duncan frowned then shrugged. He turned and tore off back up the street.

    The Pokemon Center was just ahead, only a block away. The boy couldn't believe that his mother had allowed him to go without trying to stop him. And she kept saying he was just like his father. Just plain weird. He shrugged and arrived at the front steps of the Center.

    A thickset man was standing in front of the door, looking rather bizarre in a pair of floral shorts, a green T-shirt and a white lab coat. He smiled at Duncan and walked down the steps.

    "Duncan!" he exclaimed. "I didn't expect you to actually be here on time!"

    Duncan shrugged. "Why not, Professor? I'm always on time."

    Professor Birch laughed. "Of course you are," said the professor, rolling his eyes. "Well, you managed to tear away from your mother, I see?"

    "Yeah." said Duncan, looking down eagerly at the case that he knew contained Pokemon in the Professor's hand.

    "Ah, but I must not keep you waiting! Now which will you pick? There's Treecko, Mudkip and Torchic!"

    Duncan grinned. "I want Torchic! Then I can have a Blaziken, just like my dad."

    Professor Birch smiled and nodded. We are finally ready to proceed, he thought. The wait...is over.
    -----
    Duncan's mother stepped out the front door. A cool breeze blew through the area and the sun had just come up. She smiled and walked out into the street.

    She started walking the opposite way Duncan had, away from town. As she walked, the breeze seemed to gently push her on her way. A sign, she thought.

    She continued walking for a few more minutes until she saw a group of Oak trees ahead. Smiling, she turned toward them.

    It was a cemetery. The leaves had just turned a brilliant yellow and red, and were slowly falling off the trees with each new gust of the wind.

    She stopped in front of the impressive wrought-iron gates of the cemetery and stared at the leaves falling and swirling about.

    After a moment, she gently swung open the gate and walked through the colorful leaves.

    The cemetery was filled with plain gray tombstones, but she turned to a pair of small white tombstones, glimmering in the early morning light.

    She walked up and knelt in between them, lying a hand on each. She inhaled slowly, a look of content on her face.

    "Duncan..." she said, looking at the left tombstone.

    "Tay..." she said, looking at the right tombstone.

    "I miss you both so much..." she murmured, her head bowed. "But things are different now."

    "Things...are better."
    -----
    The woman passed the wrought-iron gates, heading back down the road. Something felt different, however. The breeze, which was very pleasant only a few moments ago, had picked up.

    She stopped. It was picking up rapidly. The trees began to sway to and fro. The gentle hum of the wind had been overthrown by a loud howl, drowning out almost all other noise.

    An ominous feeling overwhelmed the womans' heart. A sudden urge told her to get home, and she followed it.

    She sprinted back down the sidewalk, the wind tearing at her back. The incessant howling was only picking up, and clouds rushed overhead. The sun disappeared behind the dark gray clouds and Rustboro Town was plunged into a state of semi-darkness.

    The woman abandoned all pretense of walking, running as fast as she could down the sidewalk. Window shutters began slamming back and forth, the loud banging lost in the roar of the wind.

    The woman took a hard right, barreling onto the front porch. She fumbled in her pocket, trying to extract her keys. Her fingers were already numb with cold, but she finally managed to insert the key in the lock and throw open the door.

    "Duncan!" she cried, running into the house. "Duncan!"

    She began a mad search throughout the house, but to no avail. The boy was not there.

    She paused in front of the door, hands on her knees and panting heavily. What was going on?

    Suddenly the front door slammed open, and the wind flew into her home. It blew pictures off the walls, knocked furniture end over end and nearly caused the woman to fall over.

    She ran over to the front door, trying to force it closed. Instead, it ripped off its hinges and flew out into the street, lifted by the ferocious wind like a feather.

    The woman gasped. Everything was dark, very dark. A huge cloud had descended on the town, blocking out all traces of light. The wind howled louder and the woman braced herself for what would surely be her end.

    Then, just as suddenly as it had appeared, light flooded back into the area. The wind ceased, but as the woman opened her eyes the world was vastly different. All color had been drained of the surroundings.

    The entire city was gray, without leaving so much as a dot of color. Her first thought was of black-and-white television, but this was very much real.

    The woman ran out into the street. "DUNCAN!" she screamed.
    -----
    A man, covered completely by a gray cloak, approached the graveyard. He did not seem alarmed by the sudden plunge into a monochromatic world. It suited him just fine. He pushed open the wrought-iron gate, walking over to the same pair of graves that had been vacated only moments before.

    He stepped lightly, his long cloak making no noise against the colorless leaves that lay on the ground. He approached the gravestones, stopping to look at them.

    First, his light gray eyes fell upon the right tombstone. "Tay..." he chuckled. The man paused on this one, gazing at it in silence.

    Then he turned his attention to the one on the left. "Duncan..."

    He ran his hand gently across the top of the tombstone. A large crack appeared on the marble. It grew from the width of a hair, traveling from top to bottom and growing larger all the time.

    It snaked its' way down, finally reaching the bottom. The tombstone creaked loudly, making its' final stand. But it was futile, and the grave marker split into two, each half falling down on the ground with a dull thud.

    Satisfied, the man stood up and walked away, work complete.
    -----



    :D Well, that's the end of LoS. I really hope you enjoyed it! It was awesome fun to write it, and I hope it was just as much fun to read.

    Don't worry, however. The Blazing Dreams movie (I'm calling it that. :P) is about a third of the way done, and is still looking to be done by early January. So look for it then!

    After that, I will begin on the third saga, Blazing Dreams: The Eternal Night. So, thanks again to all my readers and reviewers!
     

    Bay

    6,388
    Posts
    17
    Years
  • First, would like to say congrats on finishing this story (and the first saga too, though I haven't read that ^^; ). Man, what a ride it is! ^^ Okay, here are some assumptions...

    Spoiler:


    Okay, to the review. Hehe, some of the scenes with Duncan in that epilogue is funny. My favorite is this:

    Duncan groaned. "Come on, mom. I'll be going soon. I'll talk to all kinds of strangers. Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll give me candy!"

    He's right about talking to a lot of strangers but not sure if they will give him candy! XD

    Also, the black and white scene is really good. I would be creep out too if I saw the world being black and white tomorrow! Hm, wonder why that happened...

    Again, great story you have there. Well, good luck on the movie and the third saga. (And oh, LOVE the title of it...so pretty XD) And thanks for saying that I am of a big help. Glad I could help. :)
     

    Duncan McNeil

    [release].your.grip
    209
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • First, would like to say congrats on finishing this story (and the first saga too, though I haven't read that ^^; ). Man, what a ride it is! ^^ Okay, here are some assumptions...

    Spoiler:

    Thanks!

    Spoiler:


    Okay, to the review. Hehe, some of the scenes with Duncan in that epilogue is funny. My favorite is this:



    He's right about talking to a lot of strangers but not sure if they will give him candy! XD

    Also, the black and white scene is really good. I would be creep out too if I saw the world being black and white tomorrow! Hm, wonder why that happened...

    Again, great story you have there. Well, good luck on the movie and the third saga. (And oh, LOVE the title of it...so pretty XD) And thanks for saying that I am of a big help. Glad I could help. :)

    Thanks for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
     
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