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Poke Special Manga: DP

464
Posts
16
Years
  • Age 29
  • Seen Sep 3, 2008
dis is pretty good

its pretty good.,

a few more paragraphs like Jax was sayin earlier..

one of da best fanfic i hav seen so far!
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
its pretty good.,

a few more paragraphs like Jax was sayin earlier..

one of da best fanfic i hav seen so far!

Yeah, I was thinking about that too. I didn't want to make the chapters so long that it didn't attract reviewers and viewers. I'll lengthen the chapters. Thanks for the comments and crit! :)
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Alright, this fic is not dead and/or dying. I'm currently in the works of doing VS. Purugly! I'm also thinking of making chapter screenshots!

Also, I'm thinking about tying the three Legendary Lake Pokemon to our main characters. I'll keep it a secret until further along in the story. Maybe once they're in Canalave.
 
Last edited:

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Chapter 11: VS. Purugly
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Dawn sat there on the ground, staring up at the evil that was Mars and her Purugly. At the moment, Dawn's Pokemon, Pyra, Aves, and Peep, were all wiped out from the battle they eached participated in. Unfortunately, Dawn didn't bring any of her extra Pokemon she had at the lab.

Oh well.

Dawn stood up, straightening out her skirt," Alright then." She placed her fists up," Put'em up!"

Mars burst into laughter and said," You cannot be serious! How dare you insult me with asking for a fight. I'll take you out of your misery. Purugly, Quick Attack!" Purugly dove forward to attack. It's face piling with sweat from the intense heat coming from the sun.

Almost immediately after Purugly dove torward her, Dawn slammed a sphere-shaped item on the ground, bringing up smoke. As the smoke cleared, the girl was gone.

Mars looked around for the girl, but Dawn had already entered the Windworks. This caused the Galactic Commander to become very annoyed," Try to trick me, will you? Purugly, after her!"

The tiger cat Pokemon raced into the building with Mars following closely.

Dawn ascended the steps of the inside, panting for breathe," Luckily, I had that Smoke Ball, otherwise I'd been cat food." She elegantly jumped to the top of the steps, only to hear a door slam from the lower level," Damn it, she caught me."

She heard a muffled cry for help in the next room and quickly sprinted into the office-like room. There, the little girl's father was on the floor, tied to a chair, and gasping for help. Within a minute, Dawn untied the man as he began to thank her," Oh, thank you for rescuing me!"

Dawn looked to the entrance of the office and said," Save it for later."

Mars stood tall, smirking down at them," Alright, it's the end of the line, for real this time."

Dawn got to her feet and said," You're right. For you anyway." She took out a Pokeball, and released Pyra, her Chimchar.

Confused, Pyra looked back to it's trainer, knowing it only had a certain amount of hit points left," I know you're tired, girl, but this is important."

Pyra nodded, and slowly turned to face the ugly-looking Pokemon.

Mars didn't hesitate any further," Hypnosis! " Purugly slowly opened it's mouth, releasing a spiral wave of energy. However, Pyra managed to dodge the attack with ease, because of her nimble moves.

Dawn smirked and thought to herself," Pyra and I have done some intense training since we lost to Diamond. She should be close to it by now..."

Pyra curled itself into a ball, and without command, blasted forward in a ball of fire. The Flame Wheel ricocheted off Purugly's face as the Tiger Cat Pokemon grimaced in pain.

Pyra released the heat from around her body, as she panted tiredly," Chim..." She said fatigued.

Just then, Pyra started to glow, slowly increasing in size. Dawn smiled to herself, not pressing the button on her Pokedex that would prevent Pyra from evolving into...

In place of what once was a Chimchar, was now a taller monkey with a different shade of orange fur. Around it's neck was what looked like white fur. Above her nose was a red marking which changed into a blue circular formation around her eyes. Her tail was much longer and had a longer strand of fire at the tip. Her hands were also much bigger and at the forearms were gold marking that went around her arms.

..."Mon...Monferno!"

Pyra raised her arms happily, admiring her newly evolved form. Her energy was now restored!

Mars looked uneasy,"...Purugly! Quick Attack" Purugly dove forward torwards Pyra.

Dawn smirked cutely and said," You should know, Pyra is now much faster than your Purugly now. She has a new attack, according to my Pokedex. Pyra, Mach Punch!"

Pyra leaped up into the air, and seemingly vanished.

Purugly looked around.

BAM!

Pyra had appeared infront of the confused Pokemon and punched it so hard that it flew into Mars.

The man smiled happily and said," Mach Punch is a Fighting-Type attack. Your Purugly isn't doing so well after that attack."

Dawn looked down at a knocked out Mars," Eh..Neither is she. Well, we better get outta here before ol' witch here wakes up."

Later...

Dawn waved goodbye to the little girl and her father as she headed torward the Eterna Forest.

Meanwhile...

Mars was somewhere up in a Honey Tree on Route 205, tears in her eyes as her nose was bloody red from being hit in the face by Purugly, when the tiger cat Pokemon was hit by Pyra's Mach Punch.

She held out a communication device as a man with spikey, sky-blue hair appeared on the screen," Status report, Commander Mars."

Mars sniffled," Mission...-sniffle-...not accomplished."

The man on the screen turned his head as the screen turned black.

Mars burst into tears once more, only to fall out of tree and be knocked out cold again.

(Next: Chapter 12: VS. Burmy!)

Notice: Sorry for the short chapter. This was just a Mars intro chapter. As you can see, she's very.....bizarre. Heh, anyway, be prepared for more surprises in the next chapter! You can guess that the next chapter will be in Eterna Forest.

Volume 2 will be a somewhat comic relief Volume.
 
Last edited:

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Chapter 12: VS. Burmy!
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The sun was slowly heading torwards the western portion of Sinnoh.

Dawn looked down at the Poketch on her wrist, noticing it was about 5:00 in the afternoon. It was Friday, meaning Dawn's plan to make to Eterna City by Saturday was going well. Currently, she was in the seemingly endless Eterna Forest. The entire forest was filled with tall grass, trees, and Sweet Honey trees. All the while, Dawn placed the Sweet Honey she received from Floaroma Town on the appropiate tree.

She knew that one of the Professor's assistants would stop by the trees in 12hours. Dawn seemed to be interested in finding a certain Pokemon who only appears in Honey Trees.

As she walked, Dawn gently scratched her arms," Ah. This is a Bug-type Pokemon's paradise."

Besides this, it all seemed boring, yet peaceful.

Until...

Dawn looked up in a tree, noticing a tall, slender young lady with emerald green hair. She was dressed in a long-sleeve emerald dress and forest green boots.

The woman appeared to be struggling at maintaining her balance on the branch of the tree," Oh....I! Ah!" The woman quickly fell out of the tree and landed on Dawn.

Dawn fell onto her back as the young lady fell ontop of her.

Luckily no one saw this, or else this would be a very pleasing moment; especially for a young man.

Or even a woman...

The lady quickly stood, as she dusted herself off, " Oh, my apologies. I was searching for my Burmy. It ran away from me while I was trying to breed it. I'm Cheryl by the way."

Dawn stood up as well, cleaning her self off, " I'm Dawn." She stretched her arms out before sighing melodiously," Had it been one of my Pokemon, I'd've been crying by now." She smiled happily and said," I can help you find your Burmy if you'd like. Not that I have much to do in here anyway, just need something to keep me occupied."

The two young women decided to travel together through the forest.

As they began their escapade through Eterna Forest, they failed to find any sign of Cheryl's Burmy. All the while, Dawn held off wild Buneary, Wurmple, and Kricketots with her Staravia, Aves, and her Drifloon, Peep.

Meanwhile...

A young man and lady surrounded Cheryl's Burmy torwards the edge of the forest. They were dressed in wacky, and strangely, casual clown suits and had a quarter of a mask covering the top left corner of their faces.

"Oh now you in big trouble, Burmy!" The man said dimwittedly. A Murkow was perched on his shoulder.

The woman nodded, as her Misdreavus floated beside her," Now, you no run from us!"

The bagworm Pokemon glared up at the two, shaking it's leaves violently," Burm! Burmy!"

The man yelped," See you no know we are the Dusk Twins. I Mark and she Marcis!" Marcia nodded immediately and repeatively in agreement as Burmy became tired of this useless introduction.

It instantly sprinted away from the Dusk Twins, leaving a trail of green leaves behind it.

While Cheryl and Dawn were searching for Burmy, they noticed the trail of leaves, leading to a rock literally smothered in moss.

Dawn approached the rock as Cheryl watch from a distance.

Suddenly, Burmy shot up from behind the rock, clinging to Dawn's shoulder. Cheryl giggled," Yep, that's her!"

Dawn managed to calm the Burmy down, as she slowly held it in her arms, hugging it to her bosom," Oh my goodness! It's so adorable!" Tears began to run down her cheeks.

Cheryl chuckled at the emotional girl," I caught this Burmy to mate with my Mothim. However, it struggles to evolved into Wormadam. Also, it appears to be attached to you, literally."

Burmy squirmed it's way out of Dawn's grasp and clung onto her navy blue hair.

Dawn sighed," Well, I am attractive aren't I?"

"Stop in name of Ice!!!"

What could possibly be the source of this horrible grammar? None other than the Dusk Twins, of course!

Mark stood there, hands on his hips as his right eye blinked, annoyed," What in name of Ice you doing with me Burmy!?"

Marcia glared at her brother," You mean our Burmy, brother."

Mark nodded and said," Our Burmy!"

Cheryl placed her hands on her hips now as she yelled back," Excuse me, but that Burmy belongs to Dawn now. You can't have it!"

Dawn nodded as the Burmy rested on her shoulder. She whispered to it gently, uttering it's nickname," Queen."

Mark and Marcia both yelled in Unison," We no take that. Go Murkrow! Go Misdreavus!" The dark crow Pokemon and the banshee Pokemon both darted torwards Cheryl and Dawn.

Dawn smiled as she said," Let me handle this, Cheryl!" She took out Peep's Pokeball, and released the purple balloon Pokemon," Stockpile!"

Peep slowly inhaled a large amount of air, as it began to increase in size. It's body started to give off a pink aura as it's defense increased.

However, Murkrow managed Peck Peep right on the yellow X of the Drifloon's face. Also, Misdreavus face became very intimidating as it used Mean Look to prevent Peep from being recalled.

Dawn smiled and said," Like I'd recall Peep anyway." Queen watched from Dawn's shoulder, admiring the beauty of Peep's Stockpile aura.

Cheryl smiled and said," I'd like to help! Go Chansey!" She took out a Pokeball and tossed it beside Peep, releasing the giant, pink Pokemon, Chansey," My Chansey is different from normal ones. It loves to attack." Chansey nodded as Cheryl commanded an Iron Tail, while Peep Stockpile once more.

Chansey ran forward, whipping it's slightly long, stub tail across Murkrow and Misdreavus's body.

Mark looked displeased on the sideline," Marcia, your Misdreavus no strong. You hold back Murkrow!"

Marcia glared back at her brother," No, your Murkrow act like dufus!"

The Dusk Twins continued bickering as Peep Stockpiled yet again as Dawn asked the two a question," Do you two spit on each other?"

The twins ceased their bickering and said together," No, no, no."

Dawn smirked," Hmm...Funny. Peep enjoys spitting. Spit Up!"

Peep opened it's mouth and exhaled a large beam of pink energy torwards Murkrow, sending it flying into Misdreavus; which sent the two Pokemon flying into their trainers.

Dawn smirked happily as she returned Peep," You see Queen? I can make you that elegant in battle like Peep." Queen smiled happily as Cheryl and Dawn walked over, looking down at the Dusk Twins and their Pokemon.

Their clothes were partially torn as their eyes were spinning out of their sockets," Ew, that's gross." Dawn said, disapprovingly as her nose wrinkled.

Cheryl looked on," Should we just leave them here?"

Dawn nodded as Cheryl shrugged. The two walked away from the "massacre" as they edged torwards the end of the forest.

Cheryl smiled as the forest finally cleared into Eterna City," Ah, Eterna City. Now I can go home. Where are you going?"

Dawn smiled as she looked out into the city," I'm looking for a friend of mine to help me with something." She thought to her self,' Stop in the name of Ice? "

Cheryl blinked," A friend?"

Meanwhile...

Diamond was on a bridge near the entrance to Eterna Forest. He was currently battling his newly acquired Pachirisu against a Fisherman with six Magikarp.

Diamond looked very annoyed by this as he watched his Pachirisu spark the fish Pokemon into unconsciousness. Diamond walked off as Pachirisu hopped after him," Ah...I hate Magikarp trainers..."

END.

(Next: Chapter 13: VS. Chatot!)

Author's Note: This is one of my favorite chapters. I love Mark and Marcia and their stupidity.
 
Last edited:

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Chapter 13: VS. Chatot!
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Overnight, Dawn had stayed in the Eterna Pokemon Center.

The next morning, Dawn was quick to rise, because she needed to withdraw her two Buizels from her box. The two Water-type Pokemon were respectively male and female. One had two yellow circles on it's back, while the other only had one.

However, there was no sign of any Pokemon originating from Honey Trees in her PC.

Dawn sighed as she returned her two Buizels into their Pokeballs," Just my luck!"

She exited the Pokemon Center, and began to explore the outskirts of the city of Eterna. Eterna truly was a city of living history. Near the eastern portion of town, there were to large statues of ancient Pokemon.

To the left was statue, carved in blue marble. It was a quadruped that looked somewhat dinosaur-like. Added features was what seemed to be a chestplate and a carved replica of a diamond. On its back were wing-like structures and a crest up on its head. It also had long claws and a short tail.

The other statue was carved out of what appeared to be a darker fuchsia marble. It was a bipedal, but looked less dinosaur-like than the other statue across from it. This statue stood upright and possessed wings as well. On it's shoulder were plates with two carved marbles that looked like pearl in the center of each plate. It appeared to have a long neck and powerful tail.

These two statues faced each other as if they were about to battle.

Dawn was lost in the beauty and perfection of these two statues. Tears began to slide down her cheeks like raindrops as she wiped them away," They're both beautiful! What luck to be in the prescence of a masterpiece!"

Then...

"Did you say luck?"

Dawn turned around as a young boy approached Dawn and said," I'm willing to trade a super rare Pokemon that will bring you luck, for a mere, female Buizel."

Dawn smiled to herself as she thought," Hm, a super rare Pokemon? I already have one Buizel so it's almost a gimme!" She looked at the boy and said," You've got a deal."

She reached into her bag and took out her female Buizel's Pokeball and headed to the Pokemon Center.

Later in the Pokemon Center, Dawn and the boy were up stairs, just now completing their trade. The boy nodded happily," Gracias!" With these final words, he quickly ran off for currently unknown reasons.

Dawn smiled happily as she waved," De Nada!" She looked at her newly acquired Pokemon's Pokeball and said," Alright! Time to see what Pokemon you are!"

Dawn lobbed the ball into the air as it popped open, letting out a white, heavenly light," I just hope you're not a..."

The Pokemon finally materialized before Dawn, flapping it's wings as the flew infront of her.

This Pokemon had blue wings with yellow feathers in the interior of them. It's breast was a yellow color, with lime green body feathers below the breast. Equally yellow talons shook as the bird Pokemon flew. Around it's neck were white, mane-like feathers. It's head and tail were both jet black. A pink beak and an eye with pink eyelids were on the musical-note shaped head of this creature. "Tot!"

"...a...CHATOT!!!!???" Dawn was outraged," Anything but this annoying bird!!"

As a child, Dawn was always annoyed by Chatot and it's constant chattering and blabbering. Now, she's stuck with it; unless she was to release it. In fact, Dawn had gone outside to so.

Until...

"Heh, that's just like you to release Pokemon."

Dawn looked around to face wherever the source of the voice was coming from. Then, her eyes met Diamond's as he stood infront of her, Rose, Trident, Sam, and his newly acquired Pachirisu, Dexter, at his side," You should at least give it a chance."

Dawn sneered at the boy and said," Ah...Fine, Mr. Know-It-All. I'll keep it."

Later...

Diamond led Dawn to the southern portion of Eterna, to a certain spot infront of a house. Before they reached that spot, Dawn told Diamond about the Dusk Twins and how they kept referring "Ice" as if it were a god. Diamond sighed and said," Well, this first time I've heard about someone calling ice their 'savior'."

He returned Rose and Dexter to their Pokeballs, leaving out Trident and Sam, his Piplup and Kirlia, " Pearl and I encountered some clowns in Jubilife." As the two started conversating, Diamond took out a drill and began to dig into the Earth with the help of Sam and Trident.

Pearl tilted her head to the side," What the hell are you doing?"

Diamond didn't looked up at her and continued to the drill," I'm going back down to Sinnoh Underground. There's something important that I have to show you."

Once he completed digging, Dawn looked through the hole as a voice echoed up to her," Jump! Jump! Jump!"

Dawn was unsure at first, but she gathered her courage and jumped through the hole leading to the underground.

As she landed softly on dirt, Dawn looked around in awe," Wow, we're underground? There's a ton of lights down here."

Diamond nodded," Yeah. This place has been occupying my time for a while. Thanks to this old guy in Eterna." He led Dawn through the Underground," Check this out," he cupped his hands around his mouth," HELLO!!!"

However, there was no echo going in that certain direction.

Dawn looked confused," There's no echo."

Diamond nodded once more as they reached a corner. He peeked around it and glanced at a machine that was blocking the path," Now normally, trainer would be down here, setting traps for games like capture the flag. However, that machine is no trainer-set trap."

Dawn comprehended, as she nodded her head.

"That machine was built by Team Galactic. You can tell by the logo on the top right corner of the machine." The machine was in the shape of a large, silver boom box," We have to destroy it. I've learned that the machine transforms sound energy into space energy." Diamond looked to Dawn," So, unfortunately I need your help."

Dawn rolled her eyes and said," Fine."

Eventualy, Pyra, her Monferno, was released. The machine was made of steel so Fire and Fighting-type attacks would be effective against it," Pyra's evolved since you've last seen her. Your little Piplup hasn't even reach the level to evolve, has it?"

Diamond sighed as he looked elsewhere," I'm allowing Trident to learn moves faster before he evolves. In face, he's learned all the moves he needs to know. One more level-up, and he'll evolve."

Diamond's attention was now on the machine," Maybe I can short circuit this thing." He reached into his pocket and brought out Dexter's Pokeball, releasing the Pachirisu. Dexter began charging positive and negatives charges in his cheeks before tackling the machine with an electrical charge.

Unfortunately, this only gave the machine more power. A sweatdropped appeared on the side of Diamond's forehead.

Dexter definately wasn't too happy with itself as it began to suicidally shock itself. With a groan, Diamond put the Pachirisu out of its misery and returned it to it's Pokeball. He looked over at Dawn, embarrased," Dex believes in personal corporal punishment if it fails."

Dawn was outraged," You idiot! You charged the machine even further! "

Her voice became high louder as the machine absorbed the sounds, shifting a bit as if it were unable to take the volume and magnitude of Dawn's voice.

Then, Dawn thought of an idea.

She returned Pyra to her Pokeball, failing to use her, and released her newly acquired Chatot, nicknamed Tater.

Once he popped out of his Pokeball, Tater began to utter and repeat words that Dawn had told it earlier.

Diamond scratched his head and said," Great, an annoying Pokemon for an equally annoying trainer. I know I told you not to release him, but of what use is he to this situation?" He folded his arms as Dawn glared at him.

She took out a Super Contest Microphone from her yellow bag and flipped the switch on," Tater-you-idiot!!! You-can't-do-anything-right!!! Ahhhhhh!!! "

The Chatot took in the words, nodding rapidly," Tot! TATER-YOU-IDIOT! Tot! YOU-CAN'T-DO-ANYTHING-Tot-ANYTHING-RIGHT! Tot! Chatot! AHHHHHH!"

As Tater loudly repeated what Dawn said, cyan blue, visible sound waves zipped torwards the sound-absorbing machine.

As the machine attempted to absorb the sounds , it began to malfunction. Because of this, smoke came out of the backside of the machine. With the smoke came roaring flames.

Dawn grinned happily as she said," Now, you can contribute by having your puny Piplup douse that fire."

Diamond sighed and got right to it.

--

Later, as Diamond and Dawn made their way to the surface, they decided to explore the town, to Diamond's dismay. He really wanted to catch up to Pearl who had already received Eterna City's badge. However, Dawn told Damion as they entered the bike shop that it was better for him if he took two steps forward and one step back, unlike Pearl.

"They said that in a movie." Dawn said, smiling.

Diamond sighed in disapproval," I don't have time for this. I have a badge to win and I have to get to Mt. Coronet first." He walked out the door quickly and thought," She out smarted me and destroyed that machine."

Dawn eyes Diamond as he left," ..." She walked to the counter of the bike shop.

A young man around his 20's appeared behind Dawn," If you're looking for the owner, he just went to North Eterna. 'Said he had some business to take care of."

Dawn nodded at the man as she walked out the door, heading north.

In contrast, Diamond headed south.

--

Meanwhil...

The bike shop owner and his Buneary were being abused by the Galactic Admin, Jupiter, in a room at the highest floor of the building. The building was known as the Team Galactic Eterna Headquarters to fellow members. But citizens of Eterna thought of it as a regular building.

Jupiter smirked as she cracked the whip in her hand on the floor," So, are you willing to give me what I've asked for?"

The bike shop owner had whip marks on his arms. The Buneary had whip makrs on it's back as well.

" I..I....I can't."

-whiplash!-

---

Dawn had just approached the trees near the HQ. Pyra, already out of her Pokeball, was cutting trees down.

Elsewhere, Diamond's Gym challenge had jsut been accpeted by a Gym Trainer. However, he had to find her in an artificial forest inside the gym, as well as battle against the Pokemon who inhabited the forest.

As Diamond walked cautiously with Sam, Rose, and Trident, little did he know that a group of the gyms Pokemon quietly stalked him from behind...

END

(Next: Chapter 14: Torterra!)

Author's Note: A long chapter for my devoted readers! I hope you like this chapter
 
Last edited:

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Chapter 14: VS. Torterra
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Inside Eterna Gym...

Diamond looked around the Gym forest, cautiously, trying to find the Gym Leader, Gardenia," Eh. What kind of Gym challenge is this? Normally you would just go in and battle the leader, but no, I have to find her. God, this forest is almost as big as Eterna Forest."

As Diamond ventured on, he headed up somewhat of a hill that led to a tree with large rocks, similar to a miniature mountain, beside the tree. Diamond decided to rest for a while, returning his Pokemon to their Pokeballs.

Suddenly, the ground below him started to lift up, and a roar came down from below him. It appeared that Diamond had ascended ontop of the Pokemon, Torterra!

The Torterra roared loudly, shaking it's body to get Diamond of it.

Immediately, Diamond jumped off and faced the giant tortoise Pokemon," Ah, a Torterra. Pearl's go that in his future if he evolves Gaia all the way, and I'm sure he will." He landed on one knee as he stared down the creature.

Torterra roared once more as it shook it's leaves in the tree on it's back. The leaves began to fly out and zipped torwards Diamond.

Diamond's eyes widen," Ack, a Razor Leaf!" He dodged the leaves by diving out of the way, landing behind a tree.

The Torterra looked around for the trainer, stomping it's feet across the lush green grass, before storming out of sight.

Diamond got out from behind the tree, and exhaled, now that he was safe," That was a close one. Good thing Torterra's slow."

---

Meanwhile,

Dawn had just entered Team Galactic's Eterna HQ. As she entered, the doors behind her slowly slid together, closing themselves, as a female grunt walked up to Dawn," Welcome to Team Galactic's Eterna Headquarters. If you wish to handover your Pokemon, please go to the top flo-"

Pyra jumped up quickly, Mach Punching the grunt in her face. Dawn smirked, as she placed her hands on her hips," Quit the small talk, lady." She stared down at the lady on the ground.

She was out cold, a red bruise was on her forehead.

Pyra folded her arms happily as Dawn led the way up the steps.

Apparently, word got out that an intruder was inside the HQ. Of course, Dawn didn't care.

The first floor consisted of two grunts, male and female. The male grunt released a Glameow, while the female grunt released a Wurmple.

Dawn smirked and said," Are you serious!?" She returned Pyra," You've earned enough experience, girl, time to share the glory." She took out two Pokeballs, releasing her Buizel and Queen, her Burmy.

As Queen was released, her body began to shape into a differnet form. The green leaves on her body turned into a tough, pink coat. Dawn squealed in excitement," Oh! So cute!!!"

Queen smiled happily and began to bounce around at it's new form.

The male grunt snarled," Shut it! Glameow, Fuury Swipes!"

Glameow leaped forward rather lazily and slashed it's claws at Dawn's Buizel.

Dawn smirked and said," You gotta be better than that to stop Boomer! Aqua Jet!"

Boomer smirked as well as it's body was surrounded by a torrent of water, blocking Glameow's Fury Swipes. In return, it rushed torwards the cat Pokemon, sending it flying into the wall, knocking it out.

The male grunt surrendered.

Now , it was the female grunt's turn. She pointed her hand forward," Wurmple String-"

Pow!

Burmy's body was surrounded by white crystals. The crystals slowly shot away from her body and slammed into Wurmple; an instant knockout.

The female grunt now surrendered, herself.

Dawn winked at the two and said," A tip: Just because you get Pokemon from other trainers, doesn't mean you don't have to train them."

She ran up the next flight of stairs to the 3rd Floor.

--

Back in Eterna Gym.

A curvy young woman around nineteen years of age, watched Diamond wander helplessly in the Gym forest in a room with a surveillance camera-view.

She smiled happily as a cherry-looking Pokemon rested on her shoulder," I wander how long will it take for him to find the tree, Cherubi."

Cherubi smiled happily on her shoulder. It was a cute Pokemon: Red skin, a spherical body with a seemingly extra head with it's eyes closed, green leaves on the top of it's head, and a kawaii expression on it's face.

The young woman's name was Gardenia. She was the official Gym Leader of the Eterna Gym.

Her appearance was very appealing: She had orange hair with bangs hanging onto her forehead, which was covered by a black headband. Her torso was covered by a green pullover with a black shirt underneath. Her lower body attire consisted of light brown pants with a black belt, and dark brown boots. Her black shirt showed her toned stomach and her low rise pants showed a small portion of her curvy figure.

As Diamond ventured on, he rested by a tree, sighing heavily," Man, I've been in here for hours and haven't found anything but Pokemon, Grass, Trees, and AH-CHOO! Sneezes."

As he rested on the tree, it grabbed him, pulling him down into a hole in the tree.

Diamond began to slide down a tube until he reached a light at the end of it, landing on more grass, however, this grass was purely battlefield.

At the other end stood Gardenia, hands on her hips," Hey there!"

Diamond stood, dusting himself off," Hey yourself." He said, sarcastically," What the hell is the deal sending me through that torture?"

Gardenia beamed at the boy," Oh, you haven't even been on the tough Sinnoh route, quit your yappin'. Now, Byron told me to give you a hard time and that's exactly what I gave ya!"

Diamond blinked and said," Byron? Why does that name sound fam-"

"Alright!! Time to start this match! Let's go Cherubi!"

Cherubi jumped off of Gardenia's shoulders and elegantly flipped infront of her, ready for battle.

Diamond stared across the battle field as he took out a Pokeball, lobbing it into the air," Let's go, Rose!"

The Stunky materialized infront of Diamond as it shook it's purple fur," Stunk! Stunky!"

Diamond smirked and said," Alright, Poison Gas!"

Rose turned around and began to shake it's butt at Cherubi, teasingly.

Cherubi looked confused as Gardenia burst into laughter," Ah, tell your Stunky that we're not at a night club!"

Rose continued to do so until it....flatulated. A purple gas exited Rose's behind as it neared Cherubi, surrounding the cherry Pokemon's face before fully poisoning the foe. Cherubi coughed and hacked as Gardenia looked on.

Gardenia gritted her teeth," Ooh, nice one. Now it's my turn! Sunny Day!" The ceiling of the gym had a large opening. The sun was out, but now it was beaming brighter than ever. Gardenia winked across the battle field and said," Now, let's speed things up, shall we?"

Cherubi dashed torwards Rose quicker than ever. Rose looked confused, before being tackled.

Rose fell backwards infront of Diamond, but shook it off and stood up.

Diamond nodded as Cherubi winced, slowly losing 1/16th of it's HP," Rose, let's keep poisoning Cherubi, Poison Sting!"

Rose's fur stood up, releasing a swarm of purple needles torwards Cherubi, all of which hit the cherry Pokemon, knocking it out.

Gardenia frowned, returning her Pokemon," Aw man, that was almost too easy for you," she smiled now," But now, it get hard. Roserade, come on out!" From the canopy of a tree came down a bouquet looking Pokemon.

Diamond looked up and said," What? It looks like a superhero!"

Roserade landed on the ground smoothly before standing up straight and saying cooly," Rose." It stared down Rose and Diamond. Roserade had a green body, with long pastel green, stem like hands which led to flowers; on the right stem was a red rose and on the left, a blue rose. Around it's neck was a yellow collar and it's face was covered by a green masquerade mask. It's hair look similar to that of a white rose.

Gardenia smiled and said,"I envy you for naming your Stunky, Rose, but now, it's time to put this Rose in the trash where it belongs."

Diamond and Rose glared back at the opposing trainers as the match started to heat up.

---

Back at Team Galactic Eterna HQ, Dawn's final challenge before the top floor was against a scientist with a Kadabra. The scientist stared at Dawn maniacally," I am the last line of defense! You musn't and will not pass. Kadabra, Psybeam!"

The Kadabra lifted it's twisted spoon, sending a spectrum of light torward Dawn's Drifloon, Peep.

The beam his Peep dead on, but did little damage. Dawn smiled and said,' Alright Peep, time to get to the top of this tower. Shadow Ball!"

Peep inhaled the maximum amount of oxygen, as it's balloon body began to expand to the size of 4 watermelons put together. Eventually, it released a large black and purple blob torwards Kadabra and the scientist both, knocking them both into a computer, electrocuting them.

Dawn returned Peep and hurried up the final flight of steps and emerged at the top floor.

What she saw was a man on the floor, as well as a Buneary. Both of them had whip marks across their bodies and appeared to be knocked out.

-whiplash!-

Dawn quickly jumped and turned around to face the Galactic Admin, Jupiter.

Jupiter smirked as she stroked her magenta hair," Hm...Let me guess. You're one of Rowan's?"

Dawn didn't answer her as Jupiter chuckled.

"Hm, not talking , eh? Fine with me. I let my Pokemon do the talking anyway." She took out two Pokeballs, releasing Golbat and Skuntank," You've invaded our building, now I'm taking you down and taking your Pokemon, honey."

Dawn stood ready as she held two Pokeballs in her hands," Bring it, hag."

END.

Author's Note: Phew...

( Next: Chapter 15: VS. Roserade)
 
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TurtleKing

Turtles > You
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Chapter 15: VS. Roserade
dpmfa407.png


Thoughts came storming through Diamond's mind as he tried to strategize a way to beat Gardenia's Roserade. Sure enough, he had a type advantage, but he hadn't exactly trained Rose up to the level of Roserade.

"Eh, this looks easy, yet it's tough." Diamond thought to himself as Gardenia proceeded with the first move.

"Roserade, Grass Knot!"

Roserade sprinted forward, it's eyes glowing green as the grass beneath Rose grew taller, tying around her legs. Now that Rose was trapped, it left her vulnerable for attack.

Diamond gritted his teeth and didn't command any counter," She's low on HP anyway. Sorry Rose, you'll have to take one for the team."

Gardenia smirked as she thrusted her hand forward," Use Return!"

Roserade's eyes turned back to normal as it made an all out blitz at Rose. When Roserade collided with Rose, the Stunky was freed from the Grass Knot, but it slammed into the bark of a tree, slowly sliding to the grass, defeated.

Roserade landed on the ground elegantly, but flinched severly. Gardenia looked confused, noticing her bouqet Pokemon was coughing from mysterious purple gases around her," What's going on? Your Stunky has been wiped out!"

Diamond smirked and said," Ha! A Gym Leader not knowing Stunky's special ability, Aftermath? If Stunky is defeated by using a physical attack, well, it lets off a rancid, poisonous gas, taking away some of the foes HP."

Gardenia frowned and said," Well, I don't keep up with stinky Pokemon. I only like my wonderful smelling Pokemon, thank you very much."

Diamond took out another Pokeball and thought ot himself," Alright, she's down to one Pokemon. Trident and Dex are definately no use against a Roserode. So my only option is Sam."

---

Meanwhile,

Jupiter's Golbat and Skuntank completely overpowered Dawn's Buizel, Boom Boom, and her Chatot, Tater.

Dawn released her Burmy, Queen, and her Drifloon, Peep, but they too were totally owned byb Skuntank and Golbat. Pyra was already fatigued from earlier battles leading up to this point, so she was of no use.

Aves, the Staravia, was released from his Pokeball as the starling Pokemon took flight just below the ceiling, glaring over at Golbat.

Jupiter smirked and said," A weak bird Pokemon? Hah! Just like a mediocre trainer. You fail to look for power. Power is what you lack. In fact, you lack everything. Heh, you may have defeated Mars, but for sure you won't get by me with bird-brain."

Aves became very annoyed as it began to fly madly around the room.

Golbat glided forward, crunching it's teeth on teh wing of Aves, causing him to slowly fall to the ground. As it descended to the tile floor, Skuntank opened it's mouth, releasing a stream of flames torwards the bird Pokemon, fatally torching Aves' entire body.

Dawn stepped back a few steps, before tripping over the Bike Shop owner. She fell on her bottom as Aves lay beside her.

Jupiter slowly approached her, staring her down with her two vicious beside her," Hm. Lunch time."

Skuntank, mouth watering, dove forward...

---

Sam managed to dodge the Grass Knots below his feet by levitating in the air. The Kirlia stared down at the ground, to make sure he dodged them fully, but he should've been paying attention to Roserade.

Gardenia smirked and said," You're easily distracted, aren't ya? Solar Beam!"

Roserade used the enregy of the beaming sun as it shot a ray of solar energy torwards Sam. The beam sent Sam on a one way trip to hell.

Sam bounced off the earth continously before landing on the ground.

Diamond watched as he clenched his fist," Get up Sam! Get up!!!

Sam stood up slowly as Diamond clenched his fists harder," Psychic!"

Sam's eyes started to glow as it began to chant continuously. Green waves of psychic energy struck Roserade, severly damaging the Grass-type Pokemon.

Diamond smiled as he said to himself," Alright, now to get Trident some experience points."

Sam was about to attack again, but was returned before he could do so. As it was returned, it had a very annoying look on its face.

Diamond took out another Pokeball and tossed it across the field, releasing Trident.

As Roserade stood up, it immediately was pecked in the back by Trident, hurting it even more.

Trident began to raise it's flippers into the air victoriously as it began to glow and grow.

Diamond grinned as Gardenia smirked," Heh, well I'll be...the little critter's evolvin' and such."

When the flashing light died down, a taller, navy blue penguin Pokemon emerged in Piplup's place. Now, it had a cyan blue belly with four spots, similar to buttons on a tuzedo, it's beak now had extended parts to the top of it's head, resembling somewhat of a crown, and it's eyes were now intimidating to foes.

"Prin. Prinplup!"

Small claws emerged from underneath Trident's feathers as it immediately used Metal Claw.

Trident ran forward, a smrik on it's face, as it slashed through Roserade, and landed at a distance from the field, on one knee.

Roserade stood there for one moment, before collapsing to the ground,"...ra...rade.."

Gardenia returned her Pokemon and sighed," Wow, that was.....cool."

Trident stood and walked back over to Diamond," Yeah, Trident tends to want to make battle decisions himself, so I let him loose. He's more dangerous that way." Diamond placed his hand on Trident's head," It gets the job done."

---

Dawn managed to flip out of the way of Skuntank tackle, but she couldn't run forever. She was totally defenseless against Jupiter without any Pokemon.

Jupiter smirked and said," Let's get this over with. Flamethrower!"

"Light Screen!"

A yellow screen of light blocked off the Flamethrower as an Electabuzz appeared behind the barrier. Pearl ran into the room, grinning as Dawn smiled.

Pearl ran over to help up Dawn while Volt, the Electabuzz, stared down Skuntank. He released his Carnivine, Verde, as the venus-flytrap Pokemon took flight, chomping it's big mandible.

Pearl chuckled as he wiped his nose," Heh heh. What's a party without me?"

END

(Next: Chapter 16: VS. Rhyperior)

Author's Note: Pearl to the rescue!
 
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Remember that review I promised you? Yeah, here it is for the first chapter.

It is a beautiful, bright morning in the town of Twinleaf. Up in the cyan blue skies, fly a flock of Starlies, chirping soothingly as they glide overhead. Yes, this is the region of Sinnoh; a mountainous region. All seemed calm and perfect outside. However, inside a local house, was a whole different story.
Why switch tenses? You begin with present tense, and then go into past tense. My suggestion is to keep everything in past tense, which means that you should have: "It was a beautiful, bright morning…" and so on. You also might want to emphasis the last sentence by having it in its own paragraph, making it stand out. I dunno. I just think that that would work better.

Inside, a boy sat in the living room, on a couch, watching a Johto News Report.
To perhaps take a page from Stephen King: "Well, where else is he sitting?" I would honestly hope that it's obvious from the fact that he's sitting that he's on some piece of furniture. And besides, do you really want to waste the word space by specifically mentioning something that isn't vital information? In other words, do we care where he's sitting? There's more to be known!

The dark sky above her was pouring down blankets of rain,
Comma here after "rain" should be a full stop. And Sheryl's dialogue should be in it's own paragraph.

Sheryl m anaged to climb ontop of a small cabin near the lake and said
"managed" and "on top"

Back in the living room, the boy who had been watching the program is in disbelief that his mother would turn off the television, right at the climax of the documentary, "Mom! What the heck are you doing!!?? Now I've missed the conclusion!" The boy's mother simply replied," Diamond, your eyes have been glued to the TV screen all morning. Besides, your friend Damion just called. He's asking you to go over to his house for some reason. I could barely comprehend what he was saying, since he was in such a hurry." She smiled a bit as a petite, creamy-white creature with seemingly green hair appeared behind Diamond's mother, whose name was Daphne.
The comma after "documentary" should be a full stop, and you also missed the space between punctuation. Cut down the exclamation points and question marks after "doing" to either one each or just a question mark. (Context would tell us that he's yelling.) And lastly, there is the spacing issues. It should be like so:

Back in the living room, the boy who had been watching the program is in disbelief that his mother would turn off the television, right at the climax of the documentary. "Mom! What the heck are you doing!!?? Now I've missed the conclusion!"

The boy's mother simply replied," Diamond, your eyes have been glued to the TV screen all morning. Besides, your friend Damion just called. He's asking you to go over to his house for some reason. I could barely comprehend what he was saying, since he was in such a hurry." She smiled a bit as a petite, creamy-white creature with seemingly green hair appeared behind Diamond's mother, whose name was Daphne.

Diamond frowned as he stood,"Yeah, Damion's been acting different ever since he caught that Elekid."
Comma after "stood" should be a full stop, and another missed space. (I was wondering why Word had "stood,"Yeah" listed as misspelled until I stared at it long enough. This tells me that either you really aren't paying attention to spell-checkers, or you don't use one. Please tell me it's neither, and it's just an honest mistake made twice.)

What is a Ralts you ask? It is one of the currently 493 Pokemon in the world. Pokemon are known as pets, battle partners, research subjects, and much more. Not much is known about them currently, but much will be learned in the future.
This seems like a "let me beat my readers over the head with information that they don't care about because they already know" paragraph. We're Pokémon fans, we already know this. But if you want to include the information, then do it in an easier way. Don't interrupt the narration to tell information. Ease it into the story somehow.

Diamond was a rather good-looking fellow: tan, brown eyes, navy, and white teeth.
Unless you want a subjective narrator, don't use "good-looking", "beautiful", or any other terms like that in narration. Let the readers decide for themselves if the character is good-looking, since we all have different tastes. And what is navy? His teeth?

You could say he was a perfectionist.
Show, don't tell. How is he a perfectionist? Show this to the reader in some way. Don't just tell it to the reader.

He was currently dressed in dark blue vest, with a white collar shirt underneath with the collar flipped up, blue jeans, and red, white, and yellow shoes.
At this point, I really don't care what Diamond is wearing. I want to know where he's going. Don't interrupt the story to describe the characters if it's not needed. Again, try to work it into the narration. "Diamond tugged on his dark blue vest, since the weather outside was chilly and he wanted to remain warm." Something like that. He's moving, his vest gets described, the story doesn't stop.

If Diamond were to lost this hat, he wouldn't know what he'd do.
Again, show, don't tell. Is this an important plot point? And the bolded word should be "lose"

Obviously, Damion was the blonde-haired boy, dressed in an orange and white striped shirt, with dark gray pants.
Uh-huh. Obviously… Like Jax said, don't patronize the reader. We can figure out for ourselves which one is Damion. And you also did it again: stopping the story to describe the character.

Plus, the paragraph that this is in needs to be spaced better. Diamond's dialogue needs to be in a separate paragraph from Damion's.

"Well, I was wonderinh if Lake Verity had a Pokemon like that too!"
"wondering"

He ran inside of the house, and returned with a few Pokeballs at hand, as well as one containing an Elekid, from what Diamond can see,"Now, let's go!"
Comma after "see" should be a full stop, and you need a space. And please space out the paragraphs correctly. Whenever someone new talks, you start a new paragraph.

After about thirty minutes of no action occuring in the lake, Diamond got bored and sat on the grass,"Damion, this sucks,
Commas after "grass: and "sucks" should be full stops, and you missed the space after "grass". Also, it's "occurring".

The two removed themselves from the bushes as Damion noticed a brown man-bag in the tall grass.
"man-bag"? That made me WTF? a little. I would prefer either "saddlebag" or "briefcase" to be less jarring.

Damion shook his head,"Quit being a goody-too-shoes, Diamond."
Comma after "head" should be a full stop, and you missed the space after it. Also, the paragraphing issue again. And I do quite believe it's "goody-two-shoes".

Obviously, they came into their territory.
There's that "obviously" again.

In between pecks, Hiro and Damion lost Sam and Elekid's Pokeball, both Pokeballs rolling into the lake.
"Hiro"? And, well, sucks to be Sam and Elekid, doomed to spend all eternity at the bottom of a lake. But at least your trainer cards show that they make it out…somehow.

He grabbed the Pokeball on the rightside of the bag and lobbed it into the air.
That's two words: "right side".

Damion took the remaining Pokeball and released what seemed to be a green turtle Pokemon with a branch on it's head,"Turt-wig!"
Comma after "head" should be a full stop, and you missed the space.

However, Diamond fought back,"Piplup! Bubble!"
Comma after "back" should be a full stop, and you missed the space.

Piplup opened it's beak and sent out an array of bubbles, hitting one of Staravia's.
Wrong one being used. "Its" shows possession; "it's" is the contraction of "it is". And why do you have an apostrophe in "Staravias"? The apostrophe is used for possessive nouns. (And technically, you don't add an "s" to a Pokémon's name to make it plural. You just leave it alone.)

Diamond chuckled a bit,"It must have been confused."
Comma after "bit" should be a full stop, and you missed the space.

Just then, the Staravia returned, but it's sequel was cut short when it was shot down by pellets of fire.
"Sequel" might not be the best choice here. A sequel is a logical conclusion. Perhaps "revenge" might work better, since that is why the bird is attacking again.

Grammar seems to be your weak point. You should take a peek at the stickied Grammar Advice thread here and fix up your chapters. If you do get better later on with grammar, then your previous chapters should show it. Otherwise, people might leave based on first impressions.

The other problem is the fact that you don't handle description well. You just stop the story to describe the character, or give some piece of information, instead of working it into the story. Read a few of the good fics here to get an idea of how this is done.

Your story, however, is better than other "starting fanfics" I have seen, and it shows that you took your time on this. The basics seemed to be your weak point. Just listen to the advice in this post, and if you have any questions as to how things are done, ask at the Lounge.

I hope to review more of this sooner that it took me to write up this. Just keep pestering me, or anyone, if you want a review, okay? ^^
 
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TurtleKing

Turtles > You
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Whew! Thank you for that review! I swear I keep your suggestions in mind when doing my next chapter.

However, that was my first chapter and we both know that it wasn't my best. :)

Nonetheless, thank you for your time!
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
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  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Chapter 16: VS. Rhyperior Part 1
dpmfa464.png


Dawn beamed happily, now that Pearl had arrived to help her out, "Nice one. However, you could have came earlier! I was almost scorched!"

Pearl chuckled as he rubbed his nose, "Better late than never. You're not scorched are you?" He looked back to her and then faced Jupiter, answering his own question, "Nope. There's no problem then."

Jupiter smirked as she glanced at Verde, Pearl's Carnivine, "Oh, I see you've capture experiment 99002."

"Experiment 99002?" Pearl looked to Verde as the Carnivine winced, at the sight of Jupiter.

The Galactic Commander nodded and said, "Oh, yes. Your Carnivine was one of our experiment Pokemon. It's one of the few Pokemon that do not evolve. We're trying to come up with a way to make it evolve, whether it likes it, or not."

Pearl looked confused as Dawn stood, "What the hell? Don't you know that Carnivine doesn't evolve? You can't just experiment and force it to evolve. It's not natural. It might make the Pokemon species become unstable!"

"Heh, all that won't matter in the new world," Jupiter returned her Skuntank and Golbat. As she returned the Pokeballs into her bag, she took out another Pokeball, saying, "I've wasted my time here. I've got what I want from the Bike Shop owner and now I must be on my way."

Pearl blinked confusedly, but still called out an attack, "Verde, Razor Leaf!"

Verde swooped towards Jupiter, it's red and green tails swaying as it glided.

Jupiter smirked as she placed a hand on her pale cheek, whilst her other hand balled into a fist. She reared back slightly and slammed her fist into Verde's face, watching it sail into creamy white painted walls, "Pathetic excuse for a Pokemon."

Pearl's jaw dropped as Dawn ran over to nurture Verde.

As she rubbed down her magenta hair, Jupiter left the premises.

When she got outside, her eyes met Diamond, running up to the HQ, "Hm hm, why hello there, boy."

Diamond stopped in his tracks he stared back at Jupiter, "..." His fists clenched as he watch Jupiter walk away, "Argh."

---

Later...

Diamond, Pearl, and Dawn stood in front of the counter of the Bike Shop as the owner went into the back.

Dawn was not pleased with Diamond, "Are you forgetting the mission Professor Rowan gave to us three. You made a promise you'd help out, sacrificing your time at Gyms! You don't see me entering any Super Contests, do you?"

Diamond sighed as he rested his elbows on the countertop, leaning on it as he rested his cheek in his right palm, "One, there aren't any Super Contests in Sinnoh except in Hearthome City. And two, last time I checked, you weren't my mother. I could give a hell about Team Galactic." His eyes looked elsewhere as remisced about his battle against Jupiter at the Oreburgh Mines.

Pearl chuckled as he gently slammed his palm on Diamond's back, "Aw, Diamond's just foolin'! Right, Diamond?"

Diamond's eyes glared at Pearl's tangerine eyes.

"OK, ok." Pearl looked to the Bike Shop owner as he returned with two of his assistants.

They each brought in a bike: A cerulean-blue one, a tangerine-orange one, and a medium-pink one.

"They're for each of you, ordered by Professor Rowan. As a treat, they're each free."

Pearl grinned and said, "Sweet, but where do we keep them? We can't ride our bikes all the time."

The Bike Shop owner pressed a button on Pearl's bike, as it shrunk to the size of a toy car, "Press the button on the left handle bar, and your bike will shrink. I came up with this technology. If you're headed for the next town, you'll have to have a bike to get on Cycling Road."

Pearl pressed the button repeated as the bike grew to normal size and then back to miniature size. The astounded boy continued this process repeatedly.

Dawn became annoyed as a vein appeared on the right side of her forehead. She brought her hand back and forehanded Pearl across the cheek, "Enough!"

Pearl collapsed onto the teal tiled floors, eyes spinning.

Diamond shrunk his bicycle as he headed for the door, "Listen, I'm out of here."

Pearl stood as he waved good-bye to Diamond, "What's eating him?"

Dawn sighed and said, "I dunno. He was OK earlier."

---

The moon finally ascended the dark, night sky.

Pearl grinned as he followed Dawn to the beginning of Cycling Road, "Hey, mind if I come with you for a while?"

Dawn pressed the button her bicycle as she hopped on, "No, I don't mind." She immediately began to wheel down the road, leaving Pearl behind.

Pearl's eyes widen, "ARGH! Wait for me!!!"

---

As the two wheeled down the bridge road, Pearl proceeded to pop wheelies, showing off his BMX skills to Dawn.

Dawn turned around, while riding, and noticed that Pearl was coming close to her, out of control, "Pearl watch out!"

It was too late.

Pearl's bike collided with Dawn's, sending them and the bikes over the bridge.

The two began flailing their arms in the air, before landing in tall grass, unconscious.

---

Pearl woke up, stretching his arms as he rubbed his orange and white striped shirt. The lime green scarf around his neck waved in the wind. He looked over at Dawn who was still asleep.

As she lay there, Dawn's skirt was slightly up higher than normal.

Pearl chuckled pervertedly as he rubbed his hands together and inched closer to her.

Dawn opened one eye and flipped up straight. She kneeled down slightly, without touching the ground with her right knee, and uppercutted her right fist into Pearl's pelvic area.

The blonde-haired boy was sent flying into a pole that held up the Cycling Road bridge, "Umph..."

Dawn folded her arms and said, "That's for making us fall off Cycling Rode and for trying to touch me. Still excited? Well, I've got a left hook for ya, too."

Pearl, eyes rolling around, said half-effortedly, "No..."

---

The two began to walk around, trying to find a way back onto Cycling Road. While searching, Pearl spotted a young girl with long, crimson hair, kept up by two golden, spherical barettes.

The duo walked up to the little girl, who had been staring into the cave with a worried look on her face.

Dawn was the first to speak, "Excuse me, do you know a way to get back on Cycling Road from down here?"

The little girl turned around, looking up at them, "Yes, but I have to find my Kadabra before I leave. I accidentally abandoned it when I heard some roaring inside the cave, Wayward Cave." She pointed to thee entrance, "There's a monster in there, not too far from the entrance. I believe Kadabra trying to fight it, but the monster is too strong."

Pearl grinned and said, "Hey, we'll find your Kadabra as long as you show us a way back to Cycling Road." He began to run into the cave as Dawn followed behind with Mira.

---

As the three explored the cave, Mira provided some light with the help of her Espeon's Flash.

Indeed, there were roars heard from deep within the cave. Pearl grinned as he cracked his knuckles, "Heh, sounds like a baby wanting it's mother. What kind of Pokemon is this anyway?"

Mira led the way as they turned a corner, jumping over a few large rocks, "Well, it's big, brown and orange, and it has jagged edges on it's elbows. Oh! And it shoots rocks from it's palms! Big rocks!"

Dawn blinked and said, "Sounds like a new Pokemon to me." She took out her Pokedex and typed in the description.

"There it is!" Mira pointed to the large rock Pokemon, grasping a Kadabra in it's left hand.

"Rhy! Argh!" It's club-like tail, which was partially covered in orange, rocky plates, slammed onto the floor of the cave. The drill on it's nose began to spin upon seeing the three, "Rhy!" The blade-like protusions on it's elbows slammed into a cave wall, causing rocks on the ceiling to collapse onto the ground.

Pearl and Dawn's jaw dropped at the size of the beast.

The Pokedex in Dawn's hand beeped as it said, "Rhyperior: The Drill Pokemon. Rhyperior is the evolved form of Rhydon. It stand 7'10" tall and ways almost 700 pounds. It's special ability allows it to shoot boulders at foes and occasionally, Geodude can be fired as well.

END

(Next: Chapter 17: VS. Rhyperior: Part 2)
 
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Ok, just been flicking through the story a bit and I want to show you something:

Dawn beamed happily, now that Pearl had arrived to help her out, "Nice one. However, you could have came earlier! I was almost scorched!"

It should just be:

"nice one.

Because it's a comma before it, not a full stop.

You're not scorched, are you?

Other than that - I couldn't find anything else wrong with the grammar.

I really like this story and someday I'll review the whole thing, someday...

Right! Keep going!
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
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  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
ATTENTION

Alright, I guess the "attention" things wasn't needed, heh.

Anyway, I am planning on making longer, descriptive chapter, starting with VS Rhyperior Part 2.

Expect to see more detailed battles, people, surrounding, etc.

Also, I plan to add more dramatic and comedic dialogue in my story.

On top of this, I will start adding more stuff in my fic to make each chapter longer. Therefore, updates and new chapter will be more spread out (One chapter per week. Maybe one chapter per 2 weeks.) I'm doing this because I want to make sure that my chapter is right before putting it on the forum. In my first volume, I never read over a chapter before posting it, leaving several grammatical and plot errors.

Now, I'm learning from my own mistakes and willing to make Poke Special Manga: DP, one of the best fics out there.

-Thanks

~TK
 

Naroko

Shadow Reaper
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  • Age 29
  • Seen Aug 9, 2021
when will the next chapter be released cause i cant wait i love this manga
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Chapter 17: VS. Rhyperior: Part 2
dpmfb464.png


"Rhyperior: The Drill Pokemon. Rhyperior is the evolved form of Rhydon. It stand 7'10" tall and ways almost 700 pounds. It's special ability allows it to shoot boulders at foes and occasionally, Geodude can be fired as well."

Mira squeaked as she covered her face, watching her Kadabra getting squeeze by the ferocious Rhyperior.

"Well Dawn, looks like we have to fight this thing, "Pearl looked to Dawn, nodding, "Ready?"

Dawn nodded as well, "Ready when you are."

The two stepped forward, each taking out a Pokeball.

"Gaia! (Pyra!) I choose you!" They both said in unison.

From Dawn's Pokeball came her Monferno, Pyra. The Playful Pokemon bounced up and down, happy to be out of her Pokeball and ready to battle. Pyra stared up at the massive Rhyperior, and sneered back at it, "Mon! Mon!"

From Pearl's Pokeball came a new creature.

"Ah! So Gaia evolved?" Dawn smirked at Pearl.

Once the Pokemon materialized out of its Pokeball, it roared, stomping it's yellow feet, each had three claws. On it's back, the top of its head, and the top of it's tail was a yellow shell, with three brown, dirt stripes going vertically on it. The outside dirt stripes were nearly covered by a large bush on each of the stripes.

"Gro. Grotle!" Gaia roared loudly, waiting for a commanding. It ready itself by moving it's right foot back and forward, similar to a Tauros or a Donphan.

Pearl grinned and said, "Oh, that Rhyperior's in for it now! I finally taught Gaia that sweet move."

"Okay, now's a good time to whip out this so-called 'sweet move'," Dawn made the first move, "Pyra, get in close and use Mach Punch. Fast!"

Pyra began to run forward, zigzagging as she went.

Rhyperior lifted its right hand, and began to fire boulders from the hole in its hand.

As the boulders were fired, Pyra managed to dodge the majority of them, but was hit by the last two, dead on. Pyra was sent flying back into a wall and was damaged greatly.

"Can you hold off Rhyperior for a few? This move needs to be used a couple of times before we can use it." Pearl asked.

Dawn nodded, releasing Boom-Boom, her Buizel, "Boom-Boom! Aqua Jet!"

"Bui!" Boom-Boom surrounded itself with a spherical shield of water and charged towards Rhyperior, slamming into the drill Pokemon's stomach.

It did some damage, but not enough to let go of Kadabra.

Mira frowned and said, "Kadabra still hasn't been rescued!" She slammed her fists onto Pearl back, "C'mon!!!!! Rescue him!!!!!"

Pearl winced and grunt as he was hit in the back, "O-o-ok. J-j-just st-st-stop h-hitting m-m-me!!!"

Mira stopped and looked to her feet, embarrassed, "Sorry."

Pearl glanced back towards Rhyperior, who seemed to be preparing another attack. The hole in its palm grew much larger.

"Quick! Curse!" Gaia roared as it was surrounded by a blue energy force field, "Keep it going until you can't use it anymore!"

Gaia roared again as the blue force field stayed around it.

"Cover for me Dawn!" Pearl said quickly.

Dawn nodded, "Boom-Boom! Pyra!"

Both Pokemon stood in front of Gaia, protecting it from the upcoming attack.

Rhyperior roared, finally launching its attack, "Rhy! Argh!" It steady it's palm torwards the Monferno and Buizel until it finally locked on. Then, it released two large boulders towards them both.

Mira closed her eyes tightly, not daring to watch.

Pow! Pow!

Dust and smoke was brought up after the collision. The boulders smacked Pyra and Boom-Boom so hard that both Pokemon instantly fainted.

Dawn returned both of her Pokemon, looking to Pearl, "Oh my gosh. What attack was that?"

Pearl shook his head, "Rock Wrecker. An extremely accurate rock-attack, but it makes the user tired afterwards. They have to rest after using it. However, this Rhyperior was able to launch it twice without resting. Something tells me that this isn't a wild Pokemon. Only a Pokemon with intense training could know how to do this," he looked to Gaia, "Gaia's ready."

Gaia roared as it took a few steps forward, however, these were unusually slow steps.

Dawn smirked and said, "Oh, I see. You used Curse, slowing down Gaia, but increasing his Attack and Defense."

"Exactly," Peal nodded, "Razor Leaf!"

Gaia shook his leaves violently, releasing several razor sharp leaves toward Rhyperior.

Each of the leaves sliced at the hard rock stomach of Rhyperior, some parts chipping away and landing on the ground.

The drill Pokemon roared, releasing its hold on Kadabra.

"Quick, Mira! Return Kadabra!" Pearl and Dawn yelled in unison.

Mira nodded and held out her Pokeball, releasing a red beam towards Kadabra and sucking it up into the Pokeball.

Pearl grinned and said, "Mission accomplished!"

"Rhy!"

Dawn blinked and said, "Ah, I think Rhyperior's done resting! Let's go!"

Rhyperior stood again, holding out both palms.

However, the trio ran out of Wayward Cave, arriving outside below Cycling Road.

-----

Inside the cave, a tall man stood next to Rhyperior. He swatted some rock pebbles off his silver vest and straightened out the sleeves on his black, long sleeve undershirt. As he walked in front of Rhyperior, his black pant legs waved and his white shoes clicked.

"Hm," his voice said, "I wonder."

The man's pale skin made it seem as if he never been out in the Sun.

He faced Rhyperior, taking out a whip from his pocket. He gently groomed his blue hair, which stood up similar to a crescent moon, before whipping the ground, "Now, tell me why you couldn't defeat those intruders."

Rhyperior roared down at the man, but was immediately whipped in the stomach.

"You shut your damn mouth!" the man exclaimed before returning the Rhyperior into a Pokeball, "I tell you, worthless varmint! No matter, Cyrus wanted me to catch the darn thing and by golly I did. Heh, now he might recognize me as his brother."

The man turned to the opening of the cave, "Now, the next phase is to return this back to Cyrus. However, I've got to get rid of those meddling kids of Rowan's. They'll ruin everything."

The man turned on his heel and slowly walked into the dark, deep portion of Wayward Cave.

-----

Meanwhile, Mira led Dawn and Pearl back onto a path that led to Cycling Road.

Both Dawn and Pearl pressed the button on their bikes, allowing them to grow larger, and headed back down Cycling Road, waving good-bye to Mira.

It was still dark outside, but the two managed to finally reached a mountainous area.

Dawn looked over to Pearl who kept heading south, "I gotta go to Oreburgh! Go on without me!"

Dawn waved as she got off her bike, shrinking it, and began to ascend the mountain, Mt. Coronet.

-----

Once Dawn made it through to the other side of the relatively small portion of Coronet, a shady man walked up to her. He looked as if he was frightened.

Dawn made a disgruntled face as the man approached her and said, stammering, "D-d-don't s-s-say anything. J-just t-t-take it!"

He handed her a large brown stone and ran off quickly, screaming.

Dawn chuckled a bit and said, "Ah, okay. I guess I'll see what Prof. Rowan knows about this thing."

She walked across a long, almost unstable, bridge, looking to her right. A magnificent waterfall was there.

Dawn smiled, slowing her pace, "Amazi-!" She yelped and screamed dramatically.

Her foot had fallen through a wooden board on the bridge. Not too long afterwards, her other foot fell through the hole and now she was hanging onto her life, literally, as she held on to the bridged with both hands.

"If only I can reach into my bag and call out Aves!"

Suddenly, her fingers began slipping until she reached the point where she began hurling down towards the rushing waters.

END

(Next: Chapter 18: VS. Mamoswine)

Author's Note: Coming up with a title Pokemon for the next chapter.
 
Last edited:

Percy Thrillington

The Mad Hatter
4,425
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Jan 1, 2023
And so comes my first review, lets go!

Hm... I quite like this story so far, as I've mentioned to you previously, and I can see it go quite a long way, as it has potential. I can see exactly why you're going backwards and editing the chapters, that is a smart option. Maybe if you achieve that the reviews will start pouring in, yeah, right.

"Well Dawn, looks like we have to fight this thing, "Pearl looked to Dawn, nodding, "Ready?"

I believe I asked you if you read over what you post, in all fairness, this begs to differ with your answer...

"Well Dawn, looks like we have to fight this thing," Pearl looked to Dawn, nodding, "Ready?"

Just the speech mark.

Mira frowned and said, "Kadabra still hasn't been rescued!" She slammed her fists onto Pearl back, "C'mon! Rescue him!"

Only one exclamation mark is needed anytime, anywhere.

Other than that, the only thing I have to point out is your description; we need slightly more than three yellow claws ect.

Anyways, I'll go chapter by chapter with this as I see it, and don't stop keeing up the good work!
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
And so comes my first review, lets go!

Hm... I quite like this story so far, as I've mentioned to you previously, and I can see it go quite a long way, as it has potential. I can see exactly why you're going backwards and editing the chapters, that is a smart option. Maybe if you achieve that the reviews will start pouring in, yeah, right.



I believe I asked you if you read over what you post, in all fairness, this begs to differ with your answer...



Just the speech mark.



Only one exclamation mark is needed anytime, anywhere.

Other than that, the only thing I have to point out is your description; we need slightly more than three yellow claws ect.

Anyways, I'll go chapter by chapter with this as I see it, and don't stop keeing up the good work!

A ha! Gotcha back. "Keeping". Heh heh. Thanks for the review. Yeah, I'm working on learning how to become better at descriptions. I'm reading a fic now that has excellent description and am trying to learn from that.

Thanks again Oni Raichu.
 
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